The Goddess and GUBU: Square Dancing at the Triple GGG Ranch

[GoatGal]

Beatrice,

I don't know which situation is better.
Having your H take to the hills and make all the decisions for you and making it 100% clear that it's over, or one who gives you hope that things might be better?

I guess I will be able to answer that question better once my sitch is resolved, either way. But the catch is, will it EVER be "resolved"?

Won't the issues always be issues? Won't I always be on guard from now on?

I think that's why I often feel it would have been "easier" all the way around if he had died.

But that's exactly how I feel about my pre-MLC H. I don't know how many people there might be out there who would be that compatible with me.

(I'm sure it comes across here that I'm not exactly your average woman--not in terms of worthiness, but in terms of quirkiness!)

I know I could find "someone", but even in spite of our issues, H and I were very compatible in many ways.
Although, to be honest, in some core ways we are not compatible at all.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but sexually he was not exactly meeting my needs. I married him in spite of this, with full knowledge that I was accepting a less-than-stellar sex life. I suffered along with this our entire marriage, because I loved him.

I figured that it was only a small part of a relationship, and what if he had a physical issue that he couldn't help? That's the way I looked at it.
And I was completely faithful to him and "understanding" of his "problems".

It's only been recently that I discovered these "problems" were very much based in his pornography addiction, and that--physically at least--he was quite capable of having a full intimate relationship with me. That hurt me a lot.

Also was painful to learn that his excuses for why our sex life was not better were merely deflections away from his addiction, and always pointed at me as somehow being the problem.
Which I never believed--but I didn't understand why we could never have an adult conversation about why we didn't ML more, or the way I would like... believe me, I tried.
And he reacted with defensiveness, blame, withdrawal, anger... so finally I just gave up. If there is one thing I regret, this ^^^ is it.

Unfortunately, the lack of physical intimacy extended into the rest of our lives. Very little physical affection or attention. Again, I accepted this. Over time, I got used to it and found other ways to get the physical touch I craved in non-sexual ways. (DANCING!)

But pre-MLC he definitely had some issues, like passive-aggression and manipulation. Because of my Asperger's, I was VERY easily manipulated.

I have since learned about the techniques he used (typical) and they don't work on me any more. I learn and adapt. So I am no longer willing to live with that dynamic.


And he is aware that the scales have fallen from my eyes, that his tactics no longer work on me, and that I won't tolerate that kind of baloney any more. From anyone. EVER.

In a nutshell (NITTY!), he would have to change A LOT to make being with him a better option than being ALONE.


---(G)GGG