I don't know how long I will be in moderation and I feel like I am posting to a wall, but I am going to continue posting with the hope that I will eventually get a response.
When I last spoke to DB coach about a week ago, I was advised to ask my W again if she still wants to proceed with mediation and D. W was very taken aback by the question. A few days later she said we should make an appt. I told her I would proceed and I emailed the mediator. I firmly stated to W that I do not feel D is the right thing to do.
Now that I have agreed to WAWs demand that we proceed with mediation, I am not sure how to gauge what she is thinking. If you read my previous posts, she seems to have some regret for hurting me. She may even regret the current course of action (towards D), but I don't know. Is she is thinking about changing her current course of action? Things are a bit more civil in the home, and I get a sense that she would like to communicate more but does not know how. It could also be wishful thinking. Since I stopped checking the odometer on my car and I am suppressing my paranoia, I don't know if she is still seeing OP. Perhaps she is experiencing confusion and I do not know it. Perhaps she is distancing herself from him? Again, I have no clue. I do not know how to communicate with her anymore. I worry that she thinks herself unworthy of me now and feels forced to proceed down the path towards D.
meanwhile, the mediator is emailing us to make sure we received his emails, asking why we have not yet fixed a date/time for our first appointment. I don't know if I should reply. I do not want to be perceived as dragging my feet, but I also don't want to push the process forward. This is her decision, let her plan it.
To add to my confusion, she just emailed me the following: "I deposited $800 in our bank account today. It is from my business. Have a good day. Thank you for making the girls weekend so much fun." (edited for anonymity) I have no clue whether or how to reply.
My indecision and uncertainty regarding what is going on in her head is causing me not to answer anything which could make things worse. I continue to work on myself, but I feel like we are growing still more distant (if that is possible).
Is there anyone with experience who can help me with next steps.
RAI,
P.S. Please tell me if I should re-post elsewhere. I feel like my thread is dead.
