As for friends choosing with whom to socialize, I am lucky I suppose that H has moved out of state. In many ways H taking a job close to OW makes things feel more hopeless but on this count I find life is much easier.
I can completely relate to H's family not reaching out to the children. Not a phone call in over 5 months just to see how they are doing. They have their cell numbers and could call them direct. I realize now that his family's level of detachment should have set off alarm bells years ago. I was naive.
I am choosing to respect their level of detachment at this point. It is not healthy for the kids to be dealing with family members who are not able to interact with them in a genuine, compassionate manner. I want my children to be able to feel empowered and I think part of that is being able to respect the boundary and let that relationship not be painted as a failure but rather a choice made by those adults. D's seem puzzled by it but they are glad not to feel obligated by it either. I feel conflicted as H's parents are getting older but this may sound trite "you reap what you sow" --- Honestly, I am not angry just believe that consequences occur and acceptance is far better right now.
I know you must be tired Bright but you have inspired me. Your perservance in the face of incredible odds is pretty spectacular. If you need to adjust things then have confidence in all you've accomplished and know that you have the right stuff to move towards the future full of great possibilities.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
