Wife has left and filed for divorce

[vertex]

vertex, it sounds like you have a lot of work to do on yourself. Your W isn't likely to return until she sees real and lasting changes in your behavior. I am glad you are able to recognize your issues with anger and are getting help with them. Getting those issues are completely under control should be your first priority. Whether you reconcile or not, those issues will hold you back in whatever relationships you might have in your future. I know that if my H pulled me down the stairs (even gently) or accidentally hit me when punching the bed, I would be scared and have serious trust issues. You will need to work hard to rebuild that trust, and that means giving her LOTS of space, working on yourself, and letting HER approach you -- NEVER the other way around. Think about a scared dog. Does chasing after a scared dog ever draw it closer to you? No. You need to back away, work on being a calm and compassionate and listening person, and let her approach on her own, if that's what she ultimately chooses to do. Back WAY off. Work on yourself.

I agree completely. These last few weeks have been such a wake-up call for me and has forced me to confront my horrible behavior. It's been a painful process, but I'm also glad for it. My goal and priority is to never be that kind of man again who has an awful temper and can easily lose it.

About the stairs: I don't remember pulling her down them at all, but that is what she said in the Order of Protection, so I was simply trying to imagine what I may have done. But I honestly don't remember pulling her down the stairs at all. And I do agree about the accidental punch--that is never okay and I felt and still feel awful about it.

She has forced us to have space due to the Order of Protection and, now that the Order of Protection is being dissolved by her, by a mutual restraining order. I have respected the space she has wanted and am definitely working on improving myself. It's just that I am scared, to be honest, because we have two kids and I fear that our family will be completely broken and that they will suffer. Our marriage was rocky, but we had many very good times and the boys were truly happy. Now, I have only seen the boys for 6 hours in the past 19 days or so, and I do believe they are being damaged through all of this.

Thank you for your advice. I am totally committed to being changed and improved (I have realized that I can't do this on my own and that only God can change me from within).