You have reached another crossroad. There is a saying I like to keep in my mind. Choose you actions, Choose your consequences. What is still happening is rooted in an action you took long ago. Yes, you have acknowledged what you did....took responsibility for it....and are working on yourself so that you don't choose that action again. The thing is....what is happening now is a consequence of a choice.....and those consequences will go on until your wife is ready to end them. Honestly, I think the separation is good for both of you at this point.....Your situation has been going on for to long without a change. Sometimes drastic change is what is needed.
As for your frustration with the crossroad....it is common. The irony with crossroads in life is that we fight with them. We want to go the way we want to go at the moment we reach them, but we miss one thing (and the true source of our frustration) which is the fact we choose which direction we go in the past. So I say embrace the direction your path now goes....truly embrace it in your heart. No lamenting about your punishment....no complaining about how hard it will be.....Embrace the challenge the old you setup for the new you. Right now the old you is challenging you to return to that man again.You can do that, but I say that you have come to far to slide back.
