Ganb8te! Hi! I feel like I might have some advice for you and I love your questions as they are exactly the same as mine!

I have a hard time with the goals too. I think it is very difficult to have relationship goals with no relationship! I hope someone drops in with some ideas about that.

And I have a hard time with the talking too. I am very talkative and usually have no problem coming up with topics but I struggle a bit with that in the current situation. I don't want to talk too much, I want to leave space for him to talk, but then it seems like he brings up R talk and not the good kind. But I have some advice for you - and I should use it myself as well!

1. find interesting topic, educate yourself about it, ask what they think.
Start reading something new or listening to the radio, something you don't normally listen to or some magazine or newspaper you don't normally read. Find some current event, some medical breakthrough, technological innovation, some interesting study (or more than one thing) that you find really cool. Talk about that. Say "oh I just read the most interesting thing..." tell him about it, ask him if he knows about it, listen to what he says, then the key thing... ask him "what do you think about it?" and listen. Have a discussion or debate. I find men LOVE this. I forget to do it. And I also forget to really listen to what they say and ask a lot of good questions. It works. And it is a safe subject. smile Maybe have a few interesting things in your arsenal in case he is bored by the first topic you pick.

2. don't meet to talk, meet to do something!
Instead of meeting to talk - dinners, drinks, etc - meet to do something! Have an activity other than sitting. Go for a walk somewhere interesting, go hear music, go to an event, go food tasting or wine tasting or beer tasting, go for a hike, boat ride, swim, gym workout... it doesn't matter what it is! They say men bond over activities not talking. That men always DO things together. Well, that is not always true, plenty of my man friends meet up with each other for drinks. But they often like to watch sports, play sports, build something, hear music or do some activity together. They also say a good way to build excitement in a relationship is to do something new and exciting together, like bungee jump, travel to a new place, do something totally new and different, etc. The excitement over the new activity is supposed to spill over onto the couple's feelings about each other. So suggest something casual like you did last time but a fun activity.

Those are my suggestions. I hope they help. I need to take my own advice!

Let me know if you come up with any goals.

Big hugs, Lisa