EA then PA with her ex

[Anaru]

Thx - nice to know folks are watching...
MC on Thur encouraged moving on - telling sons true state of play, also MIL. Also to protect finances and also a good idea for me to move upstairs - to let W really start feeling the consequences
Saturday W was away all day with a female friend at a symposium.
I pulled myself together and discussed the situation with oldest son (20) who confirmed he had suspected as much. He feels she is being very selfish and has been lying to- and betraying him (and his brothers) just as much as me. I did notice he has been pushing back on W's drama recently, so it is good to know he has not been blind to what is going on.
Encouraged - I also discussed with S18 and S14.
S18 also had concluded it was an affair - he thinks OM is a slimebag and was definitely not happy that W had him over last Sunday afternoon.
S14 thought I was going to tell him *I* had been having an affair (he is more susceptible to W's kool-aid as he has a slight autism diagnosis)

So a burden shared is a burden halved. I emphasized to the boys that it was still a thing between and me and Mum and it is not for them to call her out on her behaviour.
Trying to decide what to tell MIL - not looking forward to telling her.

Yesterday (Sun) afternoon - W wanted to go out for a walk in the woods - enjoying the late warm weather.
At the start I briefly tried to hold her hand - which she rejected (duh) - I remarked she was not into public displays of affection with me. Her response - we're here (out walking) aren't we?
I studiously avoided talking about the A, kept the subject on her (her favorite topic).
After an hour walking/talking she came with "I know you don't want to hear this but I'm really worried about <OM>" - then reasons why she is worried about him (poor little rich guy, divorced, no real friends, malpractice suit, blah blah blah)
My reply was I always want to hear what she has to say, but not to expect any sympathy from me for his situation. It is of his own making. He screwed up his own marriage and can soon add a second (ours) to his scorecard...

Later in the car I asked what she expected to *do* about her worries - she says she she realizes she cannot help him.
I asked if she had paused to think about the impact of her extramarital activities on our relationship.
Long pause then "I have always been concerned about people who are alone, like <name of friend recently divorced after her husband cheated>"
My reply was "So the answer is no".

Just clear as day that I do not figure in her consciousness.

Later in bed (after busy evening w sons+girlfriends+MIL over for dinner) I relented and asked to cuddle in bed (spoon)
She agreed happily - but - she just lies there like a block no physical response or positive feedback.

Appointment with bank tomorrow (to terminate overdraft on joint account and start process of moving control of income to my a/c
Deciding when I will move upstairs. Probably today or tomorrow