To Pursue or Not

[Arcola]

Update on sitch.

Nothing notable has changed on this roller coaster except I've discovered WAW has kissed OM. I don't know if she decided to kiss OM or vice versa. Nonetheless, after finding this out, I also discovered she felt the kiss has made things worse between them. She also felt that she'd welcome it openly if she wasn't married. W feels he is putting on the pressure now after getting the kiss and feels rushed. From this snooping and past snooping, it seems OM wants them to be exclusive regardless of W being married, nothing to hide. OM isn't married. Anyways, she hasn't told me this and I don't know exactly when it happened. I made record of this happening. I'm in no hurry to unveil or confront on this intel just yet.

I was able to get WAW in the mood to ML this past week. Later in the week I asked if she had slept with OM and she said no. We then went on to talk about our feelings with the whole sitch. After the conversation I felt that we are both on the fence and she doesn't seem to want to be out of the relationship with OM or go no contact. Its only been day 2 since discovering the kiss, but I'm not sure if I'll be letting myself fall into the wanting to ML to her again while this sitch goes on.

Not trying to analyze it, but noticed W last had contact with OM mid day Fri. W and I did some things with the kids this Sat. Dinner with kids had like 10% convo between us. Nothing meaningful said between us. She was either on her phone or talking to the kids.

On the phone note, she has always been this way. I guess I overlooked it prior sitch as I thought all was well, but being glued to the phone on social media and all can have its negative affects. I've done some brief reading on how social media correlates to the divorce rate. I will say prior sitch, I failed to really connect with W on important topics, meaning problems usually got brushed under the rug.

I also wanted to write on some other things related to sitch. Close friends of hers that we've kept their children or spent nights at their house or went on vacations together have surprised me. That being said, they sided with her (expected), but some actually encourage as opposed to listener. I found that one friend that happens to be the closest at present day, said, "If you and OM can make it through this, you can make it through anything." She was speaking of how OM and W relationship hasn't become PA, YET, as we're still married. MIL takes a similar stance, she's just supportive of W.

So I'm pretty much in limbo. Still no date on adoption of the foster kids. Its been on my mind to at least meet with an attorney, particularly why Ive decided to make record of things I've found that scream INFIDELITY. W is set on moving out when she can and when I asked some time ago said she was unsure whether she wanted divorce. I do plan on getting back in touch with the IC I started seeing early in sitch to get some guidance. I also plan on losing some weight. I haven't been steady with working out. I looked at a picture from when W, kids, and I went to outing recently and I really saw how I've let myself go.