Don't feel like a schmuck. Of course you are feeling defensive and valueless at the moment. It would be odd if you were not. You love your wife and your wife was in a terrible part of town with another man. Your feelings are normal.
Never underestimate the value of small gestures of intimacy. These are the ties that bind. Johnny may play pool with her but he has not built a life with her. He is in the position of “building intimacy.” You have already built intimacy with your wife. You are in the opposite position. You are in the position of “destroying intimacy.”
You have the stronger hold in her life but you must be wise enough to understand that anything which can be built can be destroyed.
Every day, every hour, every moment is another chance you have to rebuild intimacy with your wife--or destroy intimacy with your wife.
When I said “short-term goals will drive you mad” I mean that if you concentrate on “by next week this will happen” you will approach every day with urgency and be disappointed with the outcome.
But if you concentrate on “in 20 years we will have built a life” then you will approach today as a building block for the future.
For example, you understand that telling your wife she is beautiful tonight may not reap results next week--but in 20 years, when she is laying in your arms and you say, “You are beautiful” she will smile and say, “You always say that” and she will know it is true.
