Ss, here's another idea, maybe for a 3-4 day getaway trip with you and D if you could find the time and money...check out Langley, WA. It's on whidbey island, just north of Seattle. One of the best days of our entire M was there a few years ago. Lots of little independent book stores, a view of the Cascades. It was simply amazing. There are a few rare book shops. We didn't buy anything crazy, but it was just fun hanging out in a place like that, flipping through old books. I had to seriously talk W out of buying a $4000 Audubon lithograph book lol.
I dont know how easy it is to get from LA to there. You take a ferry to whidbey island. I think they have some public transport on the island. We were in Seattle for a wedding, and had a day to kill. Picked Langley on a whim and had one of the best days ever! http://www.visitlangley.com/downloads/langley_38.pdf
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
hey Card, on our vacay couple of weeks ago, we went to whidby island. the ferry was really cool and the suspension bridge was awesome. small world. during the wintertime the ferry from port angeles to victoria, canada leaves at 8a and 2p. pack your passport!
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
Ss, here's another idea, maybe for a 3-4 day getaway trip with you and D if you could find the time and money...check out Langley, WA. It's on whidbey island, just north of Seattle. One of the best days of our entire M was there a few years ago. Lots of little independent book stores, a view of the Cascades. It was simply amazing. There are a few rare book shops. We didn't buy anything crazy, but it was just fun hanging out in a place like that, flipping through old books. I had to seriously talk W out of buying a $4000 Audubon lithograph book lol.
I dont know how easy it is to get from LA to there. You take a ferry to whidbey island. I think they have some public transport on the island. We were in Seattle for a wedding, and had a day to kill. Picked Langley on a whim and had one of the best days ever! http://www.visitlangley.com/downloads/langley_38.pdf
Card, I am absolutely looking into it!! Spring break 2015! Thank you!
Book Passage, Corte Madera in Marin County. Check out their events page. That's on the short list of things I miss about the west coast.
Corte Madera is precisely where the job is that I applied to in NorCal. My BFF lives in Mill Valley and I just love all of Marin County. Knowing there's a great bookstore there, too? Sahweet!!
[quote=labug]I'm going to give a little tap to the side of your head: You took off to NY to see fall leaves and you're focusing on, he didn't say goodbye. I know you're still very early in this but find something to celebrate every day, whether you want to or not. Do it for 21 days and see where you are then.[\quote]
No, HE is the one in NY to see the fall leaves, not me.
But your point is well taken. Find something to celebrate and I will.
Today is GORGEOUS and we've been enjoying it. Now D is blasting her favorite music and cleaning the playroom so we can move her dollhouse and drum kit from her room into the playroom to make more room for her favorite things - BOOKS. We're thinking about baking later on and perhaps squeezing in her seven year photo shoot depending on the light later on.
It's a rare weekend where we don't have any obligations and can just do what we want. It has been great.
Quote:
You can fix you with or without him.
That's your path in this finding your way to the real you.
Have a great trip.
This is where my real work is. I see it. I know it. But I'm stuck in my anger and hurt. I know it doesn't help me but it's where I am and I'm not stepping off this spot for some reason. I'm stuck here. I'm trying to fake my way out of it but I keep coming back to this dark place.
Sorry for the misunderstanding but you're right, find something everyday to celebrate.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Why do some of us do better with NC and those that have NC want some kind of contact?
I do much better when H isn't around. We are hanging as a family next Sunday and I'm hoping to have NC until then.
Mentally I feel a little better. Had a lovely relaxing weekend with D.
Just focusing on not taking things personally, now. Man it's hard to do that but I'm not letting my brain wander and try to disprove the idea that it's not about me.
I have an IC appointment today. I think it'll be a first where I feel like I'm walking in wanting progress and not just to wallow and feel like a victim. It's odd because victim hood is SO not me but I've been there for so long. Baby steps.
You know what I want? I want a freaking great job. I do. I want it badly.
I'm afraid to want something like that because I'm feeling like I'm not allowed to have what I want (namely a strong and revived marriage). It's making me a but gun shy and strange magical thinking sets in and I start to think I don't have that marriage because I don't deserve it so I don't have a good job because I don't deserve it. Gah. It's just not true and magical thinking is crazy making!!
I wanted to write to you about your feelings of anger and hurt. I felt them deep to my core. So, I thought about it. I knew that anger was holding me back. I was angry at him, at the ow, at MLC and that was ok, for a time. But I realized that remaining angry at him or her was not going to change anything, but, it was changing me. I was no longer willing to sacrifice myself.
So, I had to really see why I was hanging onto a lot of it of those feelings. I knew if I continued to hang onto them, it would stop me from moving forward
The Ow didnt care if I was angry, neither did my h. So, what was the point of continuing to hold onto it? That was just giving them control over me. I realized that his actions spoke volumes about him. I owned my stuff. I gave him back his.
I also thought, what if, God forbid, he had passed away? I would have been devastated, yes, but, eventually, I would have picked myself up and lived my life.
So, I knew it was the feelings of rejection and betrayal that were the real rocks around my neck.
I thought a few things. One, that he was in crisis. And two, that those feelings werent serving me well.
I was wearing them like a shield. Using them to stop what was needed to get in and that is acceptance. Doesnt mean I have to like it all. Doesnt mean I have to understand it all. But I did have to accept it.
When I did, it lead me on the road to forgiveness. That is ultimately where one needs to be.
If you can accept that this is how things are right now, with the understanding that they will not always be this way, you will be on your way.
I allowed myself to feel all the feelings. Worked through them all, for as long as I needed to. But I still felt stuck in some ways.
So, I started to think about my friend whose young child had brain cancer. I thought about the atrocities that people suffer around the world. And I realized I can survive this. There was no choice. I had a son who depended on me; who was watching me. He was leaning on me and learning how to get through life.
What did I want to show him? What did I want for me?
What if I continued to feel as if this was DONE to me? What if I did that with everything in my life?
I get to blame my mother's alcoholism for my difficult childhood. I'd get to blame my h for his crisis, his affair, and for ruining me financially.
I mean, I could do all that.
But here's the thing about that. That makes me a victim and I didn’t like the sound of that. That implies that I have no control over my life.
That would mean that I get to sit back and say, oh well, suckks for me. Guess I have just have to succk it up.
Blaming everyone and everything would take any of the responsibility off of me. It would stop me from looking inside and figuring out what I should own and what I shouldnt. It would mean I didnt have to change.
Do I wish my mother didnt suffer from alcoholism? You bet.
Do I wish my h didnt have a MLC and do the things he did? Yep.
But it all happened. Stuff happens in life. Sometimes bad stuff.
Dont get me wrong. I was angry and sad and angry some more. I didnt understand. It wasnt fair. I why me'd with the best of them.
But after awhile I realized, I had gotten through some tough things. Really, really tough.
I was no longer willling to just roll over. I just wasnt.
Were there things I couldnt change no matter how hard I tried? Yes, there were, there are.
But there were also things I could change.
The thing I've learned is this. The stuff in your life is going to be there whether you remain angry or not. They are going to be there whether you can understand them or not. They are going to be there whether you think they are fair or not.
So, I figured, since they are going to be there anyway, why not live my life the best way I know how.
Why not take control of the things I can and let go of the things I cant? We pay a huge price in feeling like we have no choice and blaming ourselves or our spouse.
We do not look inside. We do not do the work. We sell ourselves short. We lose an amazing opportunity when we do that.
We miss out on taking control of us and OUR life.
And in reality, that is the only thing we have control over.
So, yes, this succks. It really does. It's hard and it's heartbreaking, but, it is also so powerful.
When we begin to understand that we have control over our part of the journey - whether we quit or not, whether we grow or not, whether we accept or not, man, what power we have. What an opportunity we have, what great lessons we can learn.
So, I made a choice. I decided that I wasn’t a victim. I was not giving up. I was not changing who I am inside because of circumstances.
It was just not an option. Take back your power, S. Find your worth. And know, without a single doubt, that you will get through this. But it is how you do, that makes all the difference.
