moving with confidence to success!

[rj2]

Thanks Seattle.. wish I had happier thoughts right now, but what is the board for, if not to let it all out right?
May be feeling down a bit since I haven't heard from him since Saturday... likely H will call tomorrow about cat- I think I should wait for him to initiate contact....

Starting to find a bit of the resentment creeping up in me, like many of us start to feel when things are close to reconcile or at that point.. Figure I'll just vent here a little and maybe let it dissipate. I've been so positive, that I have squelched all the BS H has thrown my way, and there really has been stupid BS. The main thing is why do I have to try so hard to get someone to like me? Guess we all feel this way, huh. Especially since I have been so accomodating and loving towards H this whole time- Just get that feeling I have to be so perfect, exciting, looking hot all the time, etc... I am on the stand, H surveying my every move, ready for critique. Feel the pressure may be on more when I move in with him in a week and a half. Lots of thoughts swim in my head about exactly how to handle him in his critical moments. Big issue with my H is that he likes to find fault with me, and it is mostly petty junk- but that's almost what makes it more irritating to me when I let it. Nitpicking... The positive me knows this is the discontent(and H was like this in our M for the last few years too, it's ingrained)- but also think it's some man/woman communication misunderstandings that H is hypersensitive about.. Very quick to accuse me of "controlling", "getting in his way", screwing up things and not doing them right(stupid stuff like not cutting plastic right or accidentally bumping a chair- so that I'm a huge burden and irritation for him.. Or he'll even find things to disagree with me about, like he thinks a book I thought he'd like is stupid or whatever. And he keeps pointing out to me how he thinks chics are so hot- like someone on TV, or in magazine.(I usually say, yeh- she's pretty! but then feel sad and wonder inside why can't he admit I'm hot-he used to, pre-bomb of course) Cut my hair shoulder length a few months ago and H likes longer hair- and he keeps pointing out how chics look hotter with long hair. Mine is growing longer again, but damn can't he give me a break?! And I need to keep figuring out how not to set it off- or how to best handle it? It is like walking on eggshells. H is waiting with brick over my head to accuse me of being undesirable half the time. I guess he often will admit he's grumpy and that's when the worst of it comes... Will have to try hard to keep PMA and good responses going.. My question to the guys is-- is it really that easy for a woman to make you feel turned off, controlled, tied down, disrespected, bugged-- or is H really exaggerating this right now due to his alienness and "discontent". Grasping at straws to come up with any reason to prove I'm not great, because it's so obvious I'm great?!!? Guess, the happy me sees it the latter way.. Guess with enough more of my constant DB, H will get back to a point where more of his loving shows through.... Was reading Mars/Venus again last night and it talks a lot about women using the right words so men don't feel controlled.... So, here's a question situation(that happened this weekend): H says "I'm going to the store" I say, "ok" H gets mad and says "I don't need your permission to do things" Does the word "ok" imply permission/approval to guys? Should I have responded in another way, or is he just being the reactive, fault finding alien with his "discontent"? If any insights are out there on this, would be interested to hear.....