moving with confidence to success!

[rj2]

More MAJOR steps! Easing into this in style, in the homestretch... sure thing. WOW- These interactions are just like old times, even better.

Ok, I called H last night to arrange for when I could have my new king sized bed dropped off at his apt We chatted shortly and agreed this weekend.

Then H calls me tonight... acts sort of 'cautious'(like that cat in a new house coming around!) Says he was checking to see if I am moving in for sure? He thought I was still thinking about it, didn't know?(heehe!) Then, he says well.. um.. if you are can the cats come back soon then? First he says this weekend, then he can't wait and says he's home tonight and can I come over in an hour to move the one cat back in!(We have 2 cats) If, I want...he'd really like? Because he really misses his Iko and has been sleeping with a towel he's so lonely(backstory, H and one of our cats, Iko have been like soulmates-- so close and cute that they gang up on me and frolic and play tricks- H has never had any buddy he feels such a strong connection to, it's like these 2 were made for each other) So, the defense cracks bigtime with the H/cat reunion!! H admits his bunk bed will not do for him and "the cat"... "Cat" will not want to climb up there and cuddle, "cat" needs regular bed! (YEs, H has wanted that king bed forever-hmm, it's gonna be in "my" room as of SATurday!) I go over there,stay for 2hrs- and H is really happy, super warm- makes lots of "WE" comments about how we can rearrange place with some of my furniture... how he wants us to buy a new dvd rack, all this stuff. He shows me more guitar stuff, plays his new song for me and then all about a new computer game he got. The cat takes like 20 min to get adjusted and feel like he's back home!(after being gone 5 mo.) H and the cat are kissing each other and playing their hide and seek games... H is so connected immediately(he has been putting up such a FRONT this whole time), just like that(H has been "detaching" from the cats these last 5 months, so this is HUGE and symbolic that he is 'reattaching' right now) H makes lots of comments through the cat- H jokes and teases with me... H says "yeh, cat is HOME now" I make joke about how I'm forever not gonna get hugs from cat now that his favorite buddy H is around again and H agrees(forever I will have to share cat!) At one point, H gives me lecture about how not to use my martial arts in the wrong way(critical old H rearing up again) I handle it in a new marvelous way! I smiled, agreed on his points and even thanked him -the old me would've been upset, mad, insulted) Think I really suprised and pleased him when I THANKED him for pointing out my mistakes!!! Watch out H, new amazing W is here!

This is even better.. H said he dreamed last night about the cat- Cat and H connected and the cat asked H if he could come home now.. That is why H especially knew this is time.

Is it even gonna take me much past moving in to fully "officially" reconcile!!! Am on guard for daggers, but I am prepared with PMA and validation..

H asked me to stop over tomorrow before work with the cat's scratching post and some of my colored pencils for H to use(back into sharing stuff again- this is another step!)

So, no daggers, major emotions/ family bonding moments, "we" talk from H, sharing our stuff comments, and future references! This keeps getting better and better!

[rj2]

more to add....

Call H this morning- got VM, but H calls back like 30 seconds later. This is officially the fastest time he's returned a call yet! He woke up to get my call, "oh yes wants me to come over" with cat scratching post and pencils before I go to work..

I get there, H answers door in his underwear(ok comfort level is 100% now! He has not done this since our S, and usually puts on pants for his best friends even....Actually it is also huge he wants me coming over waking him up first thing in the morning- H usually only sees his friends at night. His guard keeps coming down more and more! Wants me to stop in and stay a little(even though I'm on my way to work..) H is excited to show me everything he's set up for the cat since last night and how the cat is doing his cute tricks with H again.. (H is like a puppy dog- so excited about having his cat back) H set up steps so cat can get in his bunk bed, but says "not sure bunk bed will work for the cat" H made a special cat bed in his studio with extra blankets around the side(Cats were not allowed in H's studio before). H and cat had special dinner together-spoiling him just like old times... Once again comments about how "cat feels home" "H's buddy" Cat was doing all kinds of cute sprawls and noises he hasn't done in months that only H can bring out of him... (Backstory here- H has visited the cats only 2 times in 5 months- he felt it would be too emotional/hard for him, since I would be keeping cats and not him- so this is a major step back towards our "family" Also, H used to joke about how the cat was his best buddy, no one else(like a silly snub to me and the other girl cat- He is doing all this again...) Oh, and I can feel free to bring the other cat over anytime soon now! (heehe!) This whole S, H has been really reserved responding to my comments about cats- not visiting, acting like he's "detached"-- It's like the dam just broke and all the water is rushing out!!!

So comfort level is increasing majorly- all these signs of being so close... H admitting how much he's been lonely and missed the cat. Acting like my H more and more- Ok, I'm sending that alien ship back into space!

Will post to people soon, sorry been off the boards with all my developments!

[renew4me]

H said he dreamed last night about the cat- Cat and H connected and the cat asked H if he could come home now.. That is why H especially knew this is time.

ROTL!!! That is so awsome. As a cat person i can completely understand. Things are going so well for you. Yaayyy!

[rj2]

Not tons to update. Good signs happening, just taking this smooth and slow, I guess. Nothing huge, just small contacts lately. Contact with H every day this week so far.(which is a step- new level to be at, for sure!) Short friendly chats, acts really comfortable, open/available and close. Loves having the cat and is looking forward to the second cat coming back soon too.. I can bring her over anytime now(hint hint) Cat is lonely for other cat.. H made 2 kitty beds for the cat, in his studio! Cat is first priority! Tell me this guy isn't starved for love....and lonely

Today H called me just to ask if I wanted him to give his friend my resume to take to friend's work( will soon be leaving my current job, all for the best) Very nice, thinking of me- and how to help me- thanked him.. ! Then he even told me if I needed to get ahold of him tonight for anything when he'd be around and to email him if it's between 8-12 since he will not have phone on.. I am getting very priveleged treatment here! SO available!! H seems to return my calls faster lately too. Last night I called to chat about my job probs, got VM- but he called like 2 minutes later! WOW. Also, H wants to put one of my new paintings up in living room- has specific spot for it and everything!

Should be getting my king sized bed delivered there this weekend, and will move in other cat soon. Looking forward to more warming!

[seattlehopeful]

RJ - Do I even need to point out the positives to you? You have already done such a great job of it. Things are really looking up for you, thats great! Glad things went ok with your work. Take care of yourself too RJ.

[rj2]

Thanks Seattle... True, have become master of seeing light, light , light! It's amazing to incorporate seeing the best in any situation into my everyday life. Finding all the little great signs that add up to an overall good picture. Key for happiness, looking for and creating good things .. so simple- not innate tendency, like learning to breathe a new way, but when you do- wow it takes you over. Certainly has taken me through the months during this S.

Contact keeps increasing w. H- since my last post, he called me once late last night after his session and again at work today. Just catching up to chat and figuring out bed delivery time, etc...(all these calls are not necessary for just business! Totally such closeness happening ). Told me more of his day to day life details too- sharing everything in his head......
Once again let me know he's avail on email later tonight b/c phone is turned off due to recording session.. VERY available.. I can reach him any time of day, every day.... Wow. We talked about how cats missed each other again. H also mentioned "us" once again- seems to be looking forward to bed delivery, has already cleared out the room, seemed pleased to hear it was a nice bed- and good price deal. Will have more to update tomorrow after bed delivery/ start moving my stuff over there for sure. Happening!

Getting to the point where I must make sure to remain cool, because I'm so close and too easy to feel attached more and more... H has not dropped bombs for a little over a week, but I am prepared with warmth, understanding and in one ear out the other(for me) if those do come up.... So silly really if he does have bomb comments b/c at this point he is in the transformation from alien realm- so the wise me really has no room for doubts. If I didn't doubt 3 months ago, it would be insane for me to doubt now! Seems to be key for me to act really chill--being one of the guys/ but hot, amazing woman too! Not asking questions, talking less, etc.... So, enough rambling -need to catch up on other's threads!

[rj2]

Warming day by day- I have found the sweet spot- DB, and beyond DB even... "As if" has taken me all the way!

Spent the whole afternoon with H. Went over to apt for bed delivery, and had a great time. H opens the door in his underwear again(comfort level!)- I got the keys for apt(since I'm moving in very soon) We watched movies, and H showed me more guitar. Eyes sparkling when he was telling me stuff about movie or guitar or music... Flirting, joking between us--lots of bonding with the cat and how cute the cat is.. H has claimed the cat's attention again, and he and cat like to "gang up on me" just like old playful times.. At one point H grabbed my butt playfully, too -hehee! More "us" talk and future "our life" talk. H talking as if the cats were gonna be part of his house/life for a long time(before I was taking the cats and H was moving out of state on his own)"We have to get the cats claws trimmed eventually, so they don't jump on us and claw his new tattoo when he gets it(this is like late summer-early fall)" H is so in love with his fave cat- did he really think he didn't want his "family" back? LOL. H made comments about shared property(everything has been 'split' the last few mo!) Friends couch is over at the apt. "We have to be careful with it, it's not 'our' couch" H and his friend will move the bed up into the room for me.

Got a husband/bf comment again.. H was mad he didn't get the right burger- and I ended up going to get another one, since I had to run out to gas station.. H tells me to tell them that "my HUSBAND or BOYFRIEND or whatever I want to call him- is mad he didn't get his order right" H got mad/irritated nitpicking at me a few other times about silly stuff during the afternoon, but everytime I acted amazing, sweet/smiling/validating and then he softened after and it blew over, and H was nice and flirty again. Frankly, I think this is indicitive of his growing closeness/comfort level with me- he can get mad and be himself(holds this back around other people)- this was the old H a lot in the past, lol. Had a breakthrough point w. H when he thought I was giving him permission to do something- he doesn't need permission to do things now(all I said was "ok" to him going to the store) Told him I never have meant it that way- when I say "ok" it just means "cool". Don't want to control him, totally not..no way man! After that he seemed to perk up more. I keep busting down these false anti-M bricks one by one!!!! Think H is in testing mode, for sure and I am coming thru with flying colors! Made a point of respecting H's way of doing little things and asking him before I use things or move things of his. This is huge because in the past, H would be mad about sharing or not knowing where his stuff went to.. that is part of what he likes about his own place.. H made some comments about him on his own, silly things he liked about being alone("liked not being suprised by seeing another person on the couch when he got back from store" or screw everyone he's leaving(when he was mad)- but there were just as many comments about "us", so I really see it as the discontent coming out which then gradually releases and blows away!

Told H second cat isn't eating since the first one has left-- he said "oh move her over soon then!" happily.. So, in a day or two, I will be taking the other cat over.
Oh, and the second best part-- when I was leaving, H walked me out the door and halfway to my car- the whole time watching me with that "dating"/interested look as we said goodbye-- "bye, catch you later, call me, I'll call you. Am I good at being the new, exciting me or what!?!!

[seattlehopeful]

Whats the latest Ms. Myagi of DR? You are doing great, maybe you should build a table of contents to your success?

[rj2]

Thanks Seattle.. wish I had happier thoughts right now, but what is the board for, if not to let it all out right?
May be feeling down a bit since I haven't heard from him since Saturday... likely H will call tomorrow about cat- I think I should wait for him to initiate contact....

Starting to find a bit of the resentment creeping up in me, like many of us start to feel when things are close to reconcile or at that point.. Figure I'll just vent here a little and maybe let it dissipate. I've been so positive, that I have squelched all the BS H has thrown my way, and there really has been stupid BS. The main thing is why do I have to try so hard to get someone to like me? Guess we all feel this way, huh. Especially since I have been so accomodating and loving towards H this whole time- Just get that feeling I have to be so perfect, exciting, looking hot all the time, etc... I am on the stand, H surveying my every move, ready for critique. Feel the pressure may be on more when I move in with him in a week and a half. Lots of thoughts swim in my head about exactly how to handle him in his critical moments. Big issue with my H is that he likes to find fault with me, and it is mostly petty junk- but that's almost what makes it more irritating to me when I let it. Nitpicking... The positive me knows this is the discontent(and H was like this in our M for the last few years too, it's ingrained)- but also think it's some man/woman communication misunderstandings that H is hypersensitive about.. Very quick to accuse me of "controlling", "getting in his way", screwing up things and not doing them right(stupid stuff like not cutting plastic right or accidentally bumping a chair- so that I'm a huge burden and irritation for him.. Or he'll even find things to disagree with me about, like he thinks a book I thought he'd like is stupid or whatever. And he keeps pointing out to me how he thinks chics are so hot- like someone on TV, or in magazine.(I usually say, yeh- she's pretty! but then feel sad and wonder inside why can't he admit I'm hot-he used to, pre-bomb of course) Cut my hair shoulder length a few months ago and H likes longer hair- and he keeps pointing out how chics look hotter with long hair. Mine is growing longer again, but damn can't he give me a break?! And I need to keep figuring out how not to set it off- or how to best handle it? It is like walking on eggshells. H is waiting with brick over my head to accuse me of being undesirable half the time. I guess he often will admit he's grumpy and that's when the worst of it comes... Will have to try hard to keep PMA and good responses going.. My question to the guys is-- is it really that easy for a woman to make you feel turned off, controlled, tied down, disrespected, bugged-- or is H really exaggerating this right now due to his alienness and "discontent". Grasping at straws to come up with any reason to prove I'm not great, because it's so obvious I'm great?!!? Guess, the happy me sees it the latter way.. Guess with enough more of my constant DB, H will get back to a point where more of his loving shows through.... Was reading Mars/Venus again last night and it talks a lot about women using the right words so men don't feel controlled.... So, here's a question situation(that happened this weekend): H says "I'm going to the store" I say, "ok" H gets mad and says "I don't need your permission to do things" Does the word "ok" imply permission/approval to guys? Should I have responded in another way, or is he just being the reactive, fault finding alien with his "discontent"? If any insights are out there on this, would be interested to hear.....

[rottzilla]

Come on, rj2, you are so hot he is threatened by you. Don't you see that? He feels like he is under your spell and that's why he points out other women. "You're not controlling me, I find other women attractive. You cannot cast a spell on me and make me do your bidding...no matter how irresistible you are to me, I CAN resist."

Sounds like it to me, anyway.

Have you ever paid attention? It's probably cycling out of control right now. You look nice, he thinks "gosh, she's pretty..." He feels threatened by these feelings, and points out another woman he thinks is pretty. You feel threatened, and spend a little more time on your makeup and hair. He thinks "she's super fine, how does she keep getting better and better? She can't do this to me." He points out a bevy of women, you feel threatened, you dress hotter. And on and on and on.

IMHO anyway.

Any truth ringing in there?