Do I walk away from WAW? (2)

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Well, a couple of busy days. W stayed out thurs night and I took all kids to school/sitter. When I got back, she had been home and made a list of things to do for our Halloween party. Hard to say if she had left the list in plain sight for me or for her, but I scrambled to do a handful of things on it before dashing out to work. She left work early to prep for party and I got off early as well to trick or treat. Party was a success, lots of kids came and everyone had a blast. Hard to be around W with so many other parents who know/don't know our sitch. She seemed very distant and a bit moody. I admit that I also had to force some PMA. Kids were scrambling around together in a pack so I just kept up with them and ignored W. Towards to end, it had gotten very cold, so I offered W my coat. Ws bff said "oh isn't he just the sweetest." W quietly agreed.

Went out to dj a Halloween party later after I house was cleaned and kids in bed. Fun times. Danced with a cute girl for a little while.

When I got home, I checked browsing history on laptop. I still do this occasionally, sometimes to see when my W went to bed, also because I'm sti curious if she is looking for apts. I know I shouldn't do this. I found that she had looked up a pregnancy due date calendar, that told her her baby is four weeks along.

Yeah. Now she could have been looking at this for other reasons. Maybe her bff missed a period, maybe a girlfriend she was chatting with online. But it seemed to explain her very distant behavior from earlier.

I went upstairs. Boys had climbed into bed with her so I took them back to their beds and tucked them in. W thanked me, as it's hard for her to sleep with the boys piled on her. I gave her a quick embrace, and told her that it used to be my duty to hold her at the end of the night and make sure everything was ok with her, and that its been very weird just going to bed alone for the past two months without checking on her. She said it was weird for her too. I patted her back and said goodnight and went to bed alone.

If she's pregnant, I'm worried for her. In her last A, she got pregnant by om and had to travel out of state for an abortion. It was immensely difficult for her, and I tried to be there for her however I could. It also spelled the end of the A.

She is so lost right now. I'm still detached but this was a blow.