I can be the lighthouse but not the tugboat

[daring]

And today I am angry- boy this back and forth is exhausting but I'm finding that the anger really does propel me forward as long as I don't get stuck.

H went on a trip to a rugby game for the weekend with friends. Last night they posted a picture of him smiling away in front of a huge pizza with " 40" candles on them celebrating early for his birthday Monday.
The pic didn't really bother me but the comments- someone wrote wow you got him to smile in a picture and another wrote look there is evidence that he's actually happy.
Grrrr! I know I can't make him happy- that comes from within him. But why can't he be that way when he's with me??
I know I'm asking for MLC logic and hurt to be explained and it can't.
And on the flip side- I did find it ironic that even his friends noticed he'd been a sad grump for a long time.

Ok time to let the anger go and move on. Happy f'n birthday to him!
I had a coaching session yesterday and she said I was doing really well. That I was hitting the " final surrender" where you face your fears and know you can live through them and it puts me in a position of power. And he is noticing.
So as soon as I get rid of today's upset I will continue to rock on wit my bad self!