Would you object to sharing the texts between you and your wife. It will help me see your communication style.
As a note--You just did it again. The passive/aggressive aggression hidden behind the veil of emotional support:
"She took off and left town. Just got done texting her and let her know I'm glad she had a good time. Old me would have made some drama about it, I did not (one of my 180s). She sent me some pics and I'm glad she got a break. Still I'll ask her at some point to let me know next time before she leaves the state."
You want us to agree your wife was out-of-line for leaving town.
FunDad, she has filed for divorce so technically she doesn't have to give you any information about where she goes or what she does. Providing information is an expectation for people in a relationship. She is dissolving her relationship with you.
Yes, it would be considerate if she kept you abreast of her plans. But her only responsibility is to make provisions for the children. She has zero responsibility to you.
You see...this is what a divorce is. It means, "I am no longer required to provide any information to you about my life."
Yes, you can ask that she let know the next time she leaves but be prepared for her to say "it's none of your business."
I'm sorry. I know it hurts. I know it is frustrating. And I know its not fair.
But, your statement also sends an alarm:
"Old me would have made some drama about it..."
When you say "old you would have made some drama about it..." have you both danced this dance before?
Since you have identified your reaction (and changed your behavior) do you know what triggered her?
If she engaged in this behavior to get a specific reaction from you...changing your behavior won't do any good unless you know what triggered her and here is why:
She will keep escalating until she gets the reaction she wants. Anger is a secondary emotion and usually caused by unmet expectations. If she is trying to create situations where you get angry it is more likely than not she believes she has an unmet expectation and blames you.
