By the way, sandi2, what did you think of my clarifications on the boundaries. Is it about controlling her?
I appreciate your clarifications. It appears to me that you may not fully grasp the concept that you cannot create boundaries to control her actions and whip her into doing things your way.
Think about a physical fence you would have around your house. This fence is a symbol to others that it is a boundary. Unless invited, they must stay off the property. It protects your home and family. You may not control an intruder, but you can take action if they do not respect that boundary. You will not tolerate anyone breaking into your home.
In personal boundaries, we have our dignity and well-being to consider. We want respect and will not tolerate mistreatment from others. We can't control what they do. The only action we can control is our own. Through our actions, we teach them how they can or can't treat us. Maybe they will care.....maybe they won't care. The point is to protect our own self, family, property, etc.
My question to you is what will be your action to these things you listed if she chooses not to honor your boundaries?
If she says, "No, I won't let the son have lunch with you during my week with them", how does this violate a personal boundary? What action would you take? Unless you can say how it violates your boundary, then it's simply your personal disapproval of her actions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
