I need to get better at knowing when I've strayed out of mine. But it has really weirded me out, that I haven't had a conversation with him in a month, and in a way that's ok, and that I don't know who he is. Like, he's this guy I share my kids with, not my husband who has been the only consistent part of my life for the last 18 years. It just feels wrong.
Interview went all right today. I'd REALLY like to get this job -- it starts off at my speed and has the potential to build over time. Crossing fingers.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Good luck with the job, Maybell! I hear you about feeling like your H is a stranger you share kids with. It's so weird to see this person you once knew so well and feel like you have no idea who they are anymore. By not speaking for so long, does it make it easier or harder, emotionally? I'm asking because I plan to go dark with my H except for necessary child-related communication. I spent last month being chummy with him, and that did not get results, except to reveal his OW relationship. Keep us posted on your job prospects!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Being dim with him has helped keep me on an even keel. And the message lately seems to be that DBing is to backburner the WAS and go about your life, which works quite well for preventing meltdowns. So I'm not creating more negative interactions.
My kids are young and there are three of them so between all their various needs, I communicate with him at least by email/text almost every day.
Those interactions have gotten quite terse on my end in the last few days. I told him in May that I would not be "friends" with him while he was in contact with OW. He told me in July that they were through, but now that I saw her on his FB page, I've drawn way, way back and he seems to have noticed. What it matters to him I couldn't say, but I'm done messing around. I was patient. I've seen how well I can cope without him. If we divorce I'll be fine. I'd rather we didn't, but I'll rebound if that's my path. That time of taking my space has been very healing.
Think happy thoughts on the job front for me. It's a GREAT fit with a great future and I really hope it works out.
Thinking of you, Ahoy, and I'm glad you're centered again... Even though centered is currently a bummer of a place to be. You'll be better for it in the long run.
I love you, man!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Is it really possible to have a great marriage after an affair? The kind where no affair ever happens again? Or is it once a cheater always a cheater?
H is looking ROUGH. Seems to have lost weight, and he didn't have it to lose. He was sort of friendly last night but I was terse with him, because of OW on Facebook and the blond in the park. I didn't explain myself. I don't really feel attracted to him at the moment. I want to respond when he's friendly but I'm so disgusted about the OW thing that I just can't. Responding to him has only gotten me more hurt and confused so I'm hoping that drawing back is right. Not that I even have a clear sense of a desirable outcome anymore. Last night he kept D11 out till almost midnight and blamed our neighbors for not leaving sooner, even though they were walking distance from the house. He also offered to her that she could stay at his place -- without consulting me. Even though it was my weekend with her. She declined, but he's acting like a self-absorbed adolescent and there's no point in looking for a marriage with someone so inconsiderate.
My brother today said that men are stupid and they have to believe they've already lost something before they realize how much it matters to them, and that I should think about myself and not worry about my H. I know that's the advice I've gotten here too.
One friend really wants to set me up with a nice, good-looking man she knows. While I would like to entertain that idea, I'm not ready, and I don't want to be a user. Another is pushing me to pursue the Nerdy Young Thing, but that's just gross -- he's even younger than OW! (Another sign H is nuts -- that he can't see that that's icky...) I can live single till I have a clear path in front of me. I just hope it's as obvious as the Yellow Brick Road and that I don't waste time in the poppy field or chasing down irrelevant quests from the Wizard.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
1. As I've said before, maybe even to you, my parents recovered from a PA. They separated after my mother confessed, for about 6 months, and she continued the PA during this time. Eventually, they reconciled and I can say with 100% certainty that neither has ventured outside the marriage since, and they are very happy together, and I can't see this changing. This was at least 25 years ago, by the way.
2. You could always make it seem like you are dating, without actually dating, if that would get your H's attention. Or you could even agree to a group date but be clear with everyone involved that you're not ready for a real date.
