Thanks Gwen and AJ,
Good to hear about the group you are with at your parish. To be honest it's taken me a long time to really accept that my M is real and truly over. I had this small little voice in the back of my head that kept saying that it's not done yet, W could still change her mind or come out of her tunnel in time. As time as gone on that voice has grown smaller and quieter. There are times when it's still there but I now know it's just wishful thinking, nothing more. My religion is important to me and is one of the hardest parts about my W wanting a D and saying she wasn't even willing to try to work on things. She knows what that means and is just another thing that she no longer cares about. MLCers just seem to abandon every thought and just have zero concern for the LBS and how their actions affect us. If we did the same to them they would be horrified.

AJ, I know that what she learned growing up was very different and far from "normal". Her family history is just so very bad by anyone's standards from a father that totally abandoned his family and moved 1000 miles away to a mother who just could never let go of her M and the hurt that she felt by her fathers betrayal. All her life she swore that she would never do the things that her father did to her and her brother and now since her MLC she is doing those same things. It's like she has decided to go the exact opposite in what she felt the last 20 years about family and M. It's so weird to watch someone do that, to watch them totally change their mind about every value that they had had in the past.

You are right that she now has changed her mind about what is "right and wrong" when it comes to family and raising kids. Every once in awhile she will do something that seems like the old her but it never lasts. I think the balance will come faster once my professional life gets more settled and I am better able to make a decent living. Hard to get into a pattern when everything is just so up in the air.

Thanks so much guys I really appreciate your taking the time for me.