"Yes or no: Do you want to stay married to your wife—as she is right now. Without any changes on her part."
And you...took a shot...at her.
First, you responded as if you were 100% responsible for the problems in your marriage:
"I know what my primary failure was: Not being the leader our home needed"
But then you took the shot:
"..and letting her overwhelm herself. Once she started making decisions for the family, I gave up my role and became just a big child in her eyes to manage."
May I translate?
I could have been the leader in our home if she wouldn’t have been so overbearing.
But, once I perceived she was taking over…She made all the decisions and it became easier to acquiesce than be partners. Since I made her MY parent, I was free to grudge hold, sulk and pout when I didn’t like her decisions.
Okay, it wasn’t sexy but it was my comfort zone. If I could reset the clock back a year I wouldn’t ask her to make any changes. Well…okay…maybe…one change. She would have to back off and allow me to lead.
So if I could reset the clock…I would demand that she trust me 100% to make all the decisions. Then I COULD be the parent and SHE would have to do everything I SAY.
You…are…very…passive/aggressive.
Do you want to save your marriage?
If so, let’s start with changing your attitude about your wife. She is your partner...not your parent.
I have been following your posts and I'll be blunt. You are pretty mean when you speak about your wife.
I can give you one glaring problem right now:
If you ever want to reconcile with your wife...stop blaming her for "forcing you" to adopt your children. It is reprehensible. If you didn't want to adopt your children--then you should have said something. If you want to know what kind of husband you were--go back and read your post on the adoption.
Shame on you. You are like the man blaming his wife for getting pregnant because he didn't wear a condom.
I do not know what your wife's issues are but any man who blames his wife for adoption...
Wow.
Adoption.
Not accidental pregnancy--Adoption.
Stop acting like a grudge-holding teenager waiting for someone to punish her for mistreating you.
You want to go back a year and reset the clock? Tonight is daylight savings time.
Reset it tonight.
You can start by taking an honest inventory of who you really were in your marriage. Not who your wife was...but who you were.
I have a feeling people give you a pass because you are a "nice guy" and your wife sounds pretty headstrong. Nothing wrong with being a "nice guy" unless you use it as a weapon against your spouse.
And the way you use the "nice guy" persona as a weapon is sighing or shrugging helplessly as your spouse "bulldozes" past you...making people "feel sorry" for you. If your spouse has become the "bulldozer" in the relationship it is for one of two reasons:
(1) This is a role that both of you believe your spouse is best suited to fill in the relationship; or, (2) This is a role you abdicated to your spouse because you didn't want it.
