Thank you for getting me thinking more, Reuben!
My sitch keeps getting warmer, which is good. Last night, H referred to himself as my husband! That word has not come out of his mouth in 5 months! My temporary apt lease ends in 2 months- hmmmm- am I shooting for moving back in with H then, you betcha...

I have been doing several things DBwise, nothing has really sent me backsliding. It's almost as if I can either choose to do the same, keep the steady slow train, or identify specifics and see if there is one or two things that get even greater results that I can do more and more of. And maybe get a little better increase in tempo. I'm definitely not going to go overboard, this is like fine tuning, I can tell... I've got that down pat.

Re: the R talks...
It 's interesting to eval what worked better- b/c on the one hand, after the extended R talks, we ML...... H was warm initially but then steadied off back to where he was(wasn't like it increased the speed of progress at the time)
And after my short validations and not extending the R comments into a talk- H appears to slowly warm week by week. I almost think none of this stuff can be isolated, b/c it works as a whole. I think I will have to follow my gut instinct- and hopefully R comments (by this I mean alien talk- anti-M comments, etc) won't come up much anyway!

Besides the usual DB of pulling away, acting wonderful to him/unconditional love...... my latest observation is that I have noticed the best progress in combining several strong techniques in one--which are perfect for my indiv sitch:
-I have gotten involved in some of H's interest areas, taking classes, meeting new people also involved in those interests and doing stuff with new people, having a great time!
So this one thing includes several techniques in one, like a super power move on my part or something, lol!
1-180 for me to be interested in things H tried to get me involved in before, but I made excuse in past
2-H has something to teach me and show me(reason for us to spend time) And calling to H's need to "provide" something for me that I in turn really enjoy and appreciate from him-common man/woman dynamic-
3-Getting my own life, H sees me out on my own doing great things and then meeting new people that teach me the interest too(even some new men, innocently of course-H feels a little jealous and curious!)
4-showing H how serious I am about the interests(activates H's LL of acts of service) also, Mars/Venus idea of men liking to bond through activites with others most.
5-speaks to H's anti-M issue that we had nothing in common anymore
6- new interests for ME to explore and enjoy, b/c I was honestly living them vicariously through H before. Helping me regain my sense of self, balance and happiness, seeing I CAN do these things. I am everything in the universe, we all are- there is nothing lost from ourselves. I think this has really been just about the most powerful for me in building confidence and self-esteem!

The interests are martial arts and guitar/music. So, now H is giving me weekly guitar lessons, and showing me martial art techniques. We have amazing convos - he has so much to show me... And he's even gone as far as borrowing a friend's vintage guitar for me to play, and clearing off space in his apt for us to practice martial arts techniques- borrowing me books on the subject, etc.

Last edited by rj2; 02/27/04 05:28 PM.
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!