claire #9

[25yearsmlc]

So, I've done a lot of soul searching today. Really thinking about the advice I've been given.

25, you asked me if this was more about my pride than about wanting my H back.

I think so.

I have to let go of my pride.


and let go of your h? Is that what you are saying? And even if it is, you are allowed to change your mind!

The separation was needed-- I am grateful for this time. But the fact that he has chosen to continue to abandon our marriage and not consider reconciliation after all the changes I've shown... says a lot more about him than it does about me.


maybe...but just b/c he has not SAID he's interested in rec, does not mean he's not. You might be the last person he'd tell.
Don't you think he fears what would happen if you two reconciled and you reverted to old habits?

Also, why do you believe HE KNOWS you have changed? Not asking IF you changed but how or why you believe HE noticed at all?

If he can't be sure you are showing change, then how can we wonder "why" he won't consider a recon?

For whatever reasons, and in whatever ways, I don't consider him a man of quality. A man of quality might decide to temporarily separate from his wife, in order to "reset" the relationship and give some space for reflection and growth. But a man of quality would not simply abandon ship with no further discussion a year later.

hmmm...easy to say but what IF he were "all done", OR had been deeply hurt for a long time, if Or he felt he'd told you while married what his unmet needs were, only to see no changes...?

I guess if it helps you to say these things about him, maybe it'll help you detach. But if you're being unfair or merely maligning him and it's Not true,.....

I think there is value in truth, when we can handle it. Part of life is probably learning what truth is and facing it and maybe sometimes, changing it.?


So. i'm resolved. I will show my best self, to the best of my ability, because I am LIVING MY BEAUTIFUL LIFE. But I am not walking on eggshells, worrying if I look good enough when he comes by, or if I answer his barely-friendly txts sweetly enough.

Fair enough!

My next biggest fear is learning to live within MY means-- including support by within my means. I need to broach that with him because I think it is the only way to move forward. I am terrified of that. I have become very comfortable where I am, not thinking about the prospect of down-sizing my home, or quality of life. But it's keeping me stuck with hope and expectations.

Maybe this is something you guys can weigh in on.

Are you saying that by "moving forward" you will get less money? Hmm, are you saving any now? I sure hope so.

Will your d suffer in terms of life style if you "move forward"? IF SO, why rush it?
I think I need more info...

At least set aside some money to prepare and maybe if enough time passes between now and that time in the future, you'll have enough resources to feel more financially secure AND OR your h will have an awakening....

THEN the question will be what YOU can do when you say you are "resolved"< which means you are "Done." IOW the shoe will be on the other foot.