So, I've done a lot of soul searching today. Really thinking about the advice I've been given.
25, you asked me if this was more about my pride than about wanting my H back.
I think so.
I have to let go of my pride.
The separation was needed-- I am grateful for this time. But the fact that he has chosen to continue to abandon our marriage and not consider reconciliation after all the changes I've shown... says a lot more about him than it does about me.
For whatever reasons, and in whatever ways, I don't consider him a man of quality. A man of quality might decide to temporarily separate from his wife, in order to "reset" the relationship and give some space for reflection and growth. But a man of quality would not simply abandon ship with no further discussion a year later.
So. i'm resolved. I will show my best self, to the best of my ability, because I am LIVING MY BEAUTIFUL LIFE. But I am not walking on eggshells, worrying if I look good enough when he comes by, or if I answer his barely-friendly txts sweetly enough.
My next biggest fear is learning to live within MY means-- including support by within my means. I need to broach that with him because I think it is the only way to move forward. I am terrified of that. I have become very comfortable where I am, not thinking about the prospect of down-sizing my home, or quality of life. But it's keeping me stuck with hope and expectations.
