Like you have said, my W needs to realize that she will lose me. That is very likely why she is not ready to commit yet.
How is your wife going to realize she'll lose you?
You sleep in the same bed, you've been tolerating her affair patiently, have laid down little or no boundaries (except saying you won't live in an open-marriage while you still live in one), and allowed her to pretend she's not in an affair. Maybe I haven't read your full sitch, but have you created a separate bank account, or something to indicate you are readying yourself for a new life without her?
How will your wife miss you more, unless there's some way she feels your absence and feels like you are moving with your life WITH or WITHOUT her? They say GAL and Last Resort Technique probably are a powerful combo in doing that. I personally think it's hard to maintain LRT for months and months -- it's easy to slip and allow your cheating spouse to cake-eat, since you are human, warm-hearted and love your wife.
How is wife feeling you slowly slip away?
How can you not pressure her into re-commiting, while subtly signaling you are moving on?
