claire #9

[25yearsmlc]

I don't think it matters much or at all. AND even if it is an MLC, so what?

I have not seen data that says they're more likely to return home, nor have I seen anything that would make me think YOUR course of action would change, if it is.

BUT I understand your wanting to know WHY??? And all I can tell you is that i wasted a year of my life asking that question.

the fact is, what reason could there possibly be that I'd be satisfied with?
What could justify doing what he did, in my eyes?

I cannot imagine any reason on earth that would make me leave my h AND OUR CHILDREN for 2 years....that was a "good reason".

Okay, if I thought I could cure cancer by leaving everyone, maybe then....but I'd still want my kids/h to totally understand and agree.

As for the anniversary, either do nothing or....IF you can honestly say that you'd go thru all this again if it were the only way to have your d in your life, remind yourself of that AND

mention how the marriage created her and that you'll always be glad you met him.

My former bil sent my sister flowers after he left her (for OW but no one knew at the time) and they had 3 kids, and a 22 year marriage.

He wrote "It's still worth remembering" and I can honestly say that was about the most decent thing he ever did. Yes she cried, but it was still a sweet gesture from an otherwise self centered fool....maybe you could send a photo of your d and say "I'm still glad we met/married/for all the times we had, good & bad, b/c of HER", or maybe just 'it's still worth remembering with a photo of her or all 3 of you. NOT signed with "love" but more like "sincerely,truly, etc"....

(& yes, my BIL did regret leaving my sister, later on. She's probably the only woman I know who got to hear the grand apology, about a month before she was to marry HER then boyfriend. She still married her "new" guy, and he treats her better than her ex knew how). So yes It happens, & I have 2 family members who later married their exes, so that happens too.

But Claire, now that you see him in a new light, AND assuming that it's a more accurate vision of him, can you see that perhaps he did you a favor?

Regardless, your marriage & this separation have made YOU grow. That's no small thing b/c it seems to me you are happier than you were before and or, you CAN be happier than ever.

Make sense?