Wife has left and filed for divorce

[Ahoy]

vertex, it sounds like you have a lot of work to do on yourself. Your W isn't likely to return until she sees real and lasting changes in your behavior. I am glad you are able to recognize your issues with anger and are getting help with them. Getting those issues are completely under control should be your first priority. Whether you reconcile or not, those issues will hold you back in whatever relationships you might have in your future. I know that if my H pulled me down the stairs (even gently) or accidentally hit me when punching the bed, I would be scared and have serious trust issues. You will need to work hard to rebuild that trust, and that means giving her LOTS of space, working on yourself, and letting HER approach you -- NEVER the other way around. Think about a scared dog. Does chasing after a scared dog ever draw it closer to you? No. You need to back away, work on being a calm and compassionate and listening person, and let her approach on her own, if that's what she ultimately chooses to do. Back WAY off. Work on yourself.