Need Help before I blow a fuse.

[Ahoy]

I wish I had firm advice to offer you. I'm not a vet though.

I can tell you in my situation, I suspected a PA, but H wouldn't admit it for four months. He finally did. By then, he and his affair partner had gotten together on several occasions. So they are further along in their relationship. Maybe I could have stopped it sooner if he had admitted sooner, but I doubt it. I think he still would have left and pursued that relationship. They are just going to do what they are going to do, and they don't really care what we think about it.

If I were you, I wouldn't waste any energy on it. The affair will either burn out in its own time or she will make the choice to pursue that and leave the M. Nothing you can do -- whether revealing the A or not -- will change that. The only thing that might is you working on yourself, GAL, 180s, detach, etc.

I wish we all could follow a clear path here, but this is a big gray area. If you hire a PA and confront her with evidence, she will likely react in a bad way toward you and see you as the bad guy. There could be negative consequences. But allowing the A to continue and sitting by is really difficult. You'll have to decide what you're willing to tolerate. Just take it one day at a time. Remember, no one is MAKING you do anything right now. Take your time and reflect well.