This is why you have to be cautious about what you say and to whom about the relationship. I knew if I opened my big mouth about my wife it would put some serious roadblocks to the road home. You may need to repair some of that yourself. Because if reconciliation happened tomorrow your BF now has to deal with all your peeved friends.
Very interesting. Personally, I've been very open about the reasons and to a lot of people. I feel disinhibited by the emotional shock. I wonder what has been the experience of people at the piecing stage. I do tell everyone that I want her back and get the sense that they are supportive, even though some encourage me to think twice about it. Like Little, I'm very sensitive about this and would like people to understand that I'm not going to give up on half my kids and the woman I married in just a few weeks.
Sorry Little, I don't mean to hijack!
Not to crash gates here, but maybe this will help...
My DB Coach (a Godsend if ever there was one) told me to Keep the Road Home, Paved & Smooth.
The more people who know of what "THE WAS" did, the harder it can be for them to return. (At least in the vast majority of cases)
Plus when I examined MY own personal reasons for telling people, I had to admit I liked blaming h for all of our problems and I liked hearing what a jerk he was being...until I realized that saying "he's a jerk", did nothing FOR me other than temporarily making me feel vindicated.
It also made me feel powerless. I mean, what's there to change or do, if they are just so wrong and I'm so darn right?
Thing is, I DID mess some things up. I wish I'd realized earlier what a blessing that is, b/c it means you are NOT powerless and there really are things you can do to change the dynamic.
And yet at the time, I felt righteously "right".
Certainly in the housework department I felt cheated. But I didn't change my solution process there, either. I Nagged! (Super effective...NOT)
Another example was this--- my h is an MD and he'd take extra cases and come home later on in the evening and we had kids.
I felt he was valuing the money and or the accolades and or the patients, more than us or time with us.
And sometimes, that was true!
But the point I want to make is that I did NOTHING DIFFERENT to change this dynamic. I simply kept nagging and carping at him, and when he came home, I'd be there with my arms crossed, figuratively and literally. Why did I think that would motivate him to come home, more? I mean, how ironic.
After years of this, I still persisted in nagging him, and Not changing how I reacted. What a stubborn, prideful idiot I was.
Talk about a "cheese less tunnel"!
Why didn't I at least TRY warmly welcoming him home with hugs and thanks that he helped people at work and brought home the bacon? Why didn't I TRY giving him a home he'd miss while at work?
Oh, I know why. I did not want to "reward him" for being late b/c then he might take me for granted (I actually thought that!) AND
of course, b/c I thought I was RIGHT to be mad...
a lot of this boils down to what we must decide.
We all must decide what's more important, being right or being happy.
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 10/31/1405:45 PM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
