Wife Is Continuing Affair-When Do I Start LRT?-V

[UpperCu]

Although she doesn't see it now, someday she may come to appreciate that you are fighting hard to protect your family and children. I know you know that. Even if she doesn't come around, at least you know what you need to do and you're doing the right thing. Also, even through the affair brain, I think a wayward spouse KNOWS what is right. They're just suppressing it right now.

She SHOULD feel guilt and blame, not that you should be the one to push that on her, but those feelings are very really consequences of acts that lead to the destruction of a marriage and family.

What if you asked her for her input on how she thinks you and her should protect and monitor the effects of the S on your children? Maybe try: "I've never been through this either so I don't know how the changes to our R will impact the kids. I want to build our children up, and I know that should never come at the cost of hurting you. How do you think we should communicate with teachers/coaches/etc who can help us to build our children up?"

My W is also very interested in what I say to others. I have taken the same approach to be open and honest about it. Since I know she will find out everything eventually, I am careful to only build her up when discussing her actions and our R with others. It is a fine line to dance, and it leaves me with little to say most of the time, but I think you can build a person up while disagreeing with their current actions and thinking. I have to constantly remind myself who my W was days before the A. She was a great friend and partner, she just messed up and slipped into the mud. She's wallowing in it now, but somewhere deep inside she is the same person I fell in love with.

Happy Halloween to you too!