Enjoying the ride

[Zues126]

*****PLEASE READ THE ABOVE POST. THIS WAS THE VALIDATION EMAIL I SENT AFTER OUR HEATED CONVERSATION. IF YOU HAVE TIME READ THEM BOTH, IF NOT JUST READ THE ABOVE POST. THANK YOU!

That was obviously a difficult conversation for both of us. We have never had the best communication and conflict resolution skills, this is a heck of a situation to try to work on them. Children, finances, legal process. Could it get much scarier? Although I regret allowing myself to get as emotional as I did, I do see it as a sign that things are going better that I still feel mutual goodwill has been preserved.

It couldn't have felt that I was even hearing what you said, so I want to let you know the points I remember you making:

PARENTING. The children are doing better than they ever have. You are trying to come to terms with the shift from my relationship with the kids compared to before our physical separation. You have been supportive of my time with them, but also have concerns about the impacts to the children abrupt schedule changes could cause. You are open minded about how to work things out, but want to make sure you have a voice to express those concerns so no unnecessary pain is inflicted to them. And that as the near sole parental figure the role of looking out for them has always been on you, you have done well by it, and will always prioritize their best interest.

FINANCES. You need to know as quickly as possible what you can count on for support from me in December. It is before Christmas, before tax returns, and before the divorce is finalized which makes your situation very difficult. It may be impossible altogether to maintain the current lifestyle, and that is concerning because again you are responsible for he children. And that in this situation you are unprepared to sign anything from my attorney without having a chance to review with your own representative.

PERSONAL. You have found the strength to walk a very difficult road that is needed for all of our family'a best interest. You have come a long ways in your ability to set boundaries and handle conflict. The timing is difficult because you are already facing so much. Your aunt is day by day. Your mom and dad don't have the same resources as my family, and your mom is further hindered by upcoming surgeries on her neck. And so much of this is out of your control that you need to arm yourself with as much information as you can to salvage a livable plan out of a terrible situation.

If I left something out or misunderstood please let me know. I want to continue to do better as coparents than we did as a couple. Now that I've had a chance to paraphrase your words and look at them objectively I really agree with pretty much everything you're saying.

I will get you the information you need as quickly as possible (reminder to get me YTD cc statements to assist, thanks). I totally get waiting for a 3rd party to review anything at this point. I recognize your success with raising the children and will always be open to our feedback. If I need to make sacrifices for their best interest I will take a good look and really take that into account. I appreciate how supportive you have been with my increased involvement. And I am glad you are able to express yourself in ways you weren't able to before.

Finally, I am sorry about the additional strains life is placing on you. I will pray for your aunt and mother, for both our families to find compassion instead of judgment, and for you to have the strength to accept and find joy despite things not always turning out how we would hope.

Ps- please take pictures of the kids in their costumes. I think Halloween is XXXXX'S favorite holiday. She is SO excited to be a witch. And she said she was going to be casting spells. I asked good or bad, she said bad. So proud of my little girl