Married young, W had affair w/ coworker

[UpperCu]

Convo about W's new job went fine this afternoon. I showed her I was supportive and excited for her achievement. She was all smiles and I left the convo before she did, I think it was a positive interaction overall.

We talked this evening and she grilled me on how I'm REALLY feeling. She said this whole situation has been nothing like ALL the blogs she reads. I'm supposed to be retaliating and freaking out. At one point she was nearly in tears as she apologized for doing this to me, for wasting my time with M, and sorry that I will be attached to all this for the rest of my life. Obviously I'm seeing major mood swings, she hasn't been blaming me or "spewing" constantly but she seems shocked that I'm not hateful, mean, or telling her what to do like the rest of her family and friends... She said she isn't sure if I really care about her or if I'm just trying to win her back, but either way she appreciates how I've been.

W's mom text me today saying she is praying for us and me especially, voiced her concerns about W being so lost. In a nice way I told her W needs some space to sort things through for herself right now (MIL has been hounding W to change every day) and I encouraged her not to worry, that W is her usual smart and spunky self and that I support her pursuits of independence and responsibility in whatever role I am to her, as a friend or husband. W asked to read the convo and I let her, she seemed annoyed at her mom for meddling behind her back...

W also told me that in her session the IC (MC scheduled separate sessions for each of us this week) said that I'm just in "a bubble" right now, that he sees this all the time. As if I'm about to lose it and implode when the chit-hits-the-fan. I told her he basically said the same thing about her... LOL. It's like our MC is just saying whatever we want to hear so we both think we're in the right. Seems like W is giving up on counseling. I've got another session scheduled with this guy.

What do you all think - Time for a new counselor?

W is def still secretly looking up OM daily, attempting to plan a visit and my theory is she is monitoring if OM and his girlfriend are going to break up so she can make a move. That or she is on guard in case he or she starts talking... Either way, she totally plays down any feelings towards the OM, which is obviously BS. She keeps saying "I only want to leave our M to be independent and free, this has nothing to do with OM" HA! Physical Affair=Zero Residual Feelings? Not buying it.

W also wanted to talk more about the "next step" in our R. I was vague saying I do not know what will happen. She was clear that she still wants a D and went on and on about how much of a waste of time and money our R, wedding, wedding ring, etc. were. My spew jacket got dirty for a few minutes there. She said IC was advising she seek mediation, not a D attorney.

Another day of living with the Affair Brain down, wish me luck tomorrow.