Yes, Claire I was channeling you when I wrote that. Can I maintain enough of a boundary? I am not ready to be warm. I can be polite. I can smooth his path with the kids. I can even smile at him as I did when I was dashing off to a very festive GAL event and our eyes met as we got in the car. But I don't want to tell him about me. He will have to work to know me. I'm worth the effort.
Card, I think that about my H too. The only way to make him understand I really mean what I'm doing is to let more time go by, because he doesn't seem to have explored dissolving the marriage at all. A week or so ago I mentioned that I would need to arrange childcare if I end up with a full time job. He said, "I'll help pay for that if it comes to that." I looked at him and said, "Well, yes, you will." (I mean, duh, best case scenario he makes 6x what I will...) and he got all mad and said, "I just want you to know I'm not going to leave you unprovided for." I'm not going to escalate to legal proceedings but my lawyer says I'm entitled to substantial amounts if we get to that point and apparently that hasn't occurred to him. But he clearly thinks he holds all the cards.
Zues, maybe your position, which is where I find myself, is scariest. Because what if I let time go by and he never becomes the man I'm hoping for? What if he's never a father who really treasures knowing his kids, with the curiosity to learn about them and nurture them? What if he's like 25's older brother, who divorced the great first wife to marry his work and the low-expectations second wife? Is my life worth that over a principle? Are my kids' future relationships worth that principle? I don't know how to draw the line. But for myself, I've lived like that long enough. My future must be better than that.
I suppose it's a moot point given he was flirting with a trashy blond a week ago... So I stand for now.
Last edited by Maybell; 10/31/1403:19 AM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
