I know when I'm lucid that my W isn't the only reason I'm stuck. I can keep telling myself how unfair it is that she abandoned me when I really needed her and moan about how "wrong" she is for doing that and get angry but what does that do for me and my sitch? Nothing! I had the perfect chance to get out of this startup a few months ago but instead I let myself believe that things had changed and it would work when in reality I should have known it was just a temp. upswing. It was just that this job allows me so much more freedom to spend more time with my D14. I saw her mom just not seeming to care and thought that I could take up some of that slack if I stayed and "made" it work. What I should have seen is I can't make something work on my own when I have to count on other people to do their jobs as well. That is a big flaw I have. I think that I have the power to do things on my own that just can't be done alone. I really believed I could save my M if I just did the "right" things. I really didn't think my W would actually go through with it and file. Well, I have learned just how wrong I was.
Meant to comment on this. Keep in mind how a relationship works. It's a balance of sorts. When one goes one way, the other compensates. I suspect you may have been compensating for the ex being gone from the kids' lives. I know I did a LOT of that when mine left that mother's day; before and since. Don't beat yourself up about it. Realize it, and do better. It's not silly, nor "bad" that you did those things. You'll do it again. For your kids. But you don't always have to do that and you'll be better equipped to find the opportunities to do better. What is better? What works for you and your kids? What's that balance that works for you?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
