Thanks 25yearsmlc. You are right, this definitely brought about a backslide in detachment for me. And I think you are right that much of this does boil down to the problem of comparison or keeping score. I'm working hard on transitioning to a new life (preparing my house for sale, transitioning my career, etc). I'm trying to do that transition the right way instead of doing it in a panic, which will mean getting a reasonable price for the house and getting the job I really want instead of just running away from everything (I'm in a tough field in terms of career transitions). I think this is the right approach despite many times wanting to burn the house to the ground, jump in the car and just drive until I couldn't go any further. It is tough to be stuck in "our" house which will never feel like "mine".
It is a terrible comparison to make, when your WAW jumps into another relationship that she's already been fostering with someone else, and their kids, and house, etc. And it is certainly a blow to the ego - reinforcing the sense of tossed aside and replaced. It took more than a year for me to recover from everything financially and adapt to a single income with not much change in expenses. I am finally at a place where I'm building the future, not just scrambling to survive the present.
In that context, it is really difficult to not compare my situation to hers and draw conclusions about fairness, even though I know that comparison is problematic.
"Comparison is the thief of joy." -Teddy Roosevelt
I really hope that it will be easier to fully detach once I'm out of this limbo and I've completely rebooted. And I also need to accept that life just isn't fair or just. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. Maybe there is karma, but if so, it isn't my responsibility, right?
A separate issue is the ugly feeling I get when I imagine a group of people I counted as friends and family gathering to celebrate/legitimize the terrible thing she did. I guess I need to detach from that as well, though it really makes me question my relationships with people now. Trusting people not to betray me, even those beyond a romantic relationship, is easier said than done.
Me:40 EX-WAW:39 M:9 T:19, No Kids EA/PA with co-worker started: 9/24/12 - ongoing ILYBINILWY, S:9/25/12 MC 9/12-12/12 D: 9/13/13 EX-WAW and affair partner marrying 10/17/14
