Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics)

[25yearsmlc]

25 - What is your advice on how to deal with my W's e-mail regarding her weekend away? Do I simply ignore it? Say nothing? That's what my gut tells me.

Another part of me tells me that I need to at least address the unfairness of her simply going away at a whim's notice, leaving me at home with the kids. I was thinking maybe I should finally have that talk with her about a parenting schedule, and that weekend plans (away from the family) needs to be coordinated.

Thoughts?

I have 2 competing thoughts. ON one hand, I'd normally say "ignore it".

That might be the DB answer too. But OTOH, you say you want a schedule so you can plan your own life and the kids. (The unfairness is pointless to mention. She has a scorecard of her own and you are way behind on that. Don't assume for a minute that your inlaws apparent willingness to forgive you for sins of the past, means a thing to HER. THEY were not humiliated; she was. They were not betrayed, she was. They were not abandoned for another woman, she was. Marital assets were used for your "escorts" and not theirs...They were not in a marriage counselor's office crying b/c of your betrayals, again...she was.

Moving on....

You might have made a good point about the need to plan and coordinate, but
I'm wondering how much planning this really needs now, however. It's not as if she did not tell you in advance, in fact she did tell you and now you are upset.

So decide if what upsets you is OM existence, which I think it is, versus "the need to plan". We know what it is b/c you did not mention a need to plan, you only mentioned how unfair she is to you. That's not persuasive to me b/c again, you overlook your own past in which you behaved reprehensibly for years, and now she's done something painful to you for what? A year? Less?.....

What planning needs really exist? The need to plan vacations sounds legit, the need to plan around holidays also.

Also unlike some situations, this Affair cannot last indefinitely. Distance and time and HIS family...

Much as you want to be THE reason she quits it, you might not be, or you may not be the only reason. But so what, as long as she does the work needed to be married, in time?

I would not be the one to rush to end this b/c the chances of backfiring are higher than you realize. I say that b/c I think it took a he11 of a lot for her to want out in the first place...and we both know you helped get her to that place.

Remember this is a marathon and not a sprint. Take your ego out of this and stay the course.

give yourself an internal time line of "X date" and then reassess when X comes along. No need to decide now, what you do then.

But know that the limbo you are in, is not eternal.