Mozza, you do understand that boundaries are not intended to control or to punish, right? Boundaries are to protect you. The action is to be from "you" if the boundary is not honored.

Quote:
1. No more stroller in the backyard. She drops it my backyard every day because I live close to the daycare. But it stresses me out that she comes by. There's a stroller parking at the daycare and I'll ask her to drop it there. I'll tell her it's more convenient for her and that I'm uncomfortable with the current arrangement anyway.


How is this a "boundary"? It irritates you, just like her messiness irritated you. You want to control her. I don't understand the whole stroller thing. Is she bringing your child back home in the stroller? If so, what's the big deal with her leaving it there? Have you tried to discuss it with her? It sounds a little overbearing to me, but I realize I don't have the whole picture.

Quote:
2. Monday dinner with kids. I want to take the kids for dinner during her week with them. I've received advice that 7 days in a row is a long time for D3 especially. W said yes for the first two weeks, then said no this week: "It's my week and the kids are happy." I think I'll have to convince her of my good intentions.


So, what if she decides she doesn't want to follow your rules? Then what? What do you mean about your good intentions?

Quote:
3. Godmother. I'll refuse to change D6's godmother to her bad friend, Anna. Their relationship is too tumultuous and I'm not ready to undo decisions we've taken together. It's no more unfair that both godparents are on my side now than it was at the time. I expect a blowup on this, but it's my boundary. I'd feel like a wimp to give in to such a silly idea.


Are you saying both godparents are on "your side" and she wants to choose ....one person of her choice? It may not be a silly idea to her, if she is considering a life apart you and your family. It sounds as if this is another area you want to use power over her. You are right about it not being any more unfair now as it was then. Maybe she didn't want it set up that way back then? Whatever......I know it is a very serious business and you want to choose the best people as godparents, but each of you should have a voice about it, yes?

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!