H came over today and spent several hours. We had a family meal where we all sat at the table and then had family game night where we played 2 rounds of Pictionary. When he first got here, he asked if I still wanted to talk. I had told him the day I went psycho that I wanted to talk. But today I chose to follow the rule of not discussing the R so I told him that I no longer felt the need to talk. When he left, he kissed me on top of the head (I was sitting down) and I didn't follow him out to his car like I have done previously. This was very helpful because I didn't break down like I always have in the past when he left. It was a pleasant time spent as a family. Maybe goal #1 can be "having pleasant family time together without expectation or pressure"...
and then maybe goal #2 could be "build on #1" with a 3rd goal of "discussing work or an issue other than the chldren or marriage, with me showing loyalty to him and interest in his life".
In other words, him talking to you and you doing what my DB coach said to do, which is hard...but she said "Listen Like a Lover" would...meaning, "applaud loudly for the 1% positives" he does, and
NO ADDED PRESSURES at this time...
I will continue with not initiating contact. He is not one to make phone calls but will occasionally send a text saying, "Have a good day" so I will respond then.
Sounds like a plan.
In time, you can also SHOW that you are a sensual woman by wearing perfume or dressing a bit more provocatively (but always on your way OUT somewhere, not having around to get a reaction from him. If he comments in a positive way, you can flirt or wink---maybe not yet--but someday yes--and have a bit of mystery)
and look your best, with a new twist now and then. A new hair style or color and getting in shape and showing that you 1) are going to be content again, with or without him bc you have had an awakening, and 2) you probably WILL BE INTIMATE AGAIN...with someone....and we want to let him want to be that partner, down the road.
YES This will take time and effort on your part. But isn't it better than a life of involuntary celibacy?
If not, then ask your doctor to give you a physical to assess why your sex drive has dropped so much. When I became peri-menopausal my libido dropped, and I had to take some steps to regain it. But geez, that's so worth it!!
Food for thought, perhaps?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
