Dynamic of a family revised

[LoisB]

This is what you posted to me on Oct. 15...seemed fitting to return the words today, back atcha:

I believe that Smokey is probably a very insecure person. Insecure people manipulate and abuse others. Since they don't feel control over themselves or their emotions, they try to control someone else, like a spouse and/or children. In doing this, it gives them power, validates (in some weird way) their worth, and makes them feel that they have someone who cares because they that person is able to be controlled/manipulated.

In Smokey's reaction to you leaving... well, that's exactly what it is. A reaction. Smokey is scared, sad, insecure, lost, but he may not even know he has these feelings. He may be so out of touch to them, that the only thing he knows how to do is react. And how does that come out? In anger, belittling, trying to dominate, trying to knock down others.

Smokey is weak emotionally and mentally. Now, can you imagine what he feels now that the one thing he had to validate his strength and security (his family) up and left his @$$ (sorry, no disrespect)? What does he know to do? React. That's it.

Afraid? Huh, he is the one who is afraid, my friend. He may not know it, but he does at the same time. Here is this woman, who just left him to deal with the rest of the mess he created. You? You took the goods- the important things. Your girls. Your family. You went someplace new. You are doing it. You are taking care of you and your family. You are no longer under his control. That is scary for him. He is scared of you. He will try his antics, but don't ever fear that... because those antics come from a very weak place. Those antics reveal his weakness.

You are the strong one. He fears you. Don't underestimate yourself. You don't need to be nasty. You be you. Keep your concern right where it has been- taking care of you and the girls. He can't do that. And he knows it.