Have been feeling a bit better the past couple of days. A rental flat has come up that I am interested in, I saw SS and his Mum yesterday and had a good IC session Tuesday.

I hadn't seen SS since July. He & his Mum live a couple of hours away, but he & I have kept in touch by text. It was great that we met, and we had a good time. I was anxious beforehand and worried that I would be emotional - and didn't want him to have to 'deal with' my grief.

But in the event I was fine and we had some good laughs. His Mum & I have always got along fine. She has always said that SS doesn't have a bicycle for support (she and H) - but a tricycle (she, H and me.) And SS has commented before that it's nice everyone is friends.

It was a bit cathartic for me because I felt a lot of guilt about abandoning the 'family' home after BD, and have cried and worried a lot about it. Worried I let SS down. But realistically I didn't feel I could stay at the time.

But yesterday, I could see that we can carry on meeting up as we did and stay in touch, regardless of what H does. We've already said we'll do it again Xmas break.

Do I need to start another thread soon? How do you know when it is time to do that??

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus