Cliff notes for those joining. Got the BD, moved into a friend's basement. Began BDing. STBX partied hard over the summer having multiple flings, becoming an alcoholic (out of control black out drinking), and attempted suicide 6 weeks ago. Meanwhile she has yet to file and my IC told me she wouldn't as long as I let her avoid financial responsibilities (she was a SAHM and hasn't gotten a job yet). But he also said she if i waited i would be enabling her, that she wouldnt have to face reality, that i needed to take care of myself for me and my children, and that going on like this longer would just make me a rug and not do anything to make her respect or miss me. So I just told her I'm separating finances and will be bringing by separation papers tomorrow and movin into an apartment 12/1.
I've made many positive changes. I quit porn 4 months ago with one backslide about a month ago. I have been a much more involved father and am connecting with my kids in ways I couldn't before. I am learning to be more assertive about meetif my own needs, setting boundaries, and askin for what I want directly. I have let go of the rope in a way I didn't believe I could just a couple of months ago which has allowed me to find more peace and happiness than I was able to in a co-dependent relationship. And I am GAL, spending quality time with friends, family, and here on the boards.
For the first time I can see more clearly my road ahead. Over the next 60 days I will focus on doing well at the new job I've taken starting Monday. I will separate finances and cooperate with any process developments. I will move into and furnish my apartment. I will get through the holidays and my D's birthday which will involve a lot of time around my STBX.
In 2015 I will be into my routine at work, settled into my apartment, and have more time with the children as I can take them to my place and live with them for the weekend vs visiting them. I will continue on focusing on doing well at work, as a dad, and continuing to work on my personal growth. The goal will be to get to the point that I am confident I am healthy enough for a new R down the road. Still standing by my M and hoping its with STBX if she can follow this lead, but not basing my happiness on it. Finally, I can see a lot of enjoyment of my bachelor life in the sense of being able to do things I love. I am a serious competitor and look forward to playin pool tournaments, poker, and some chess. All while reading, working with my IC/DB coach, and staying close with my friends. While I hope to be in a healthy relationship again someday, I expect that I will remember 2015 as a great year. A year I had a lot of fun and turned into the man I've always wanted to be.
I'm not adding many new details in this post as the recap is already lengthy. But reading this over I am proud of how I've handled myself so far and how far I've come. I have longer to go but am doing well enough that i feel good most of the time and know i can get through anything. I realized today this is a dangerous spot in one way- the pain is now minimal enough I could go back to using defense mechanisms to distract me from it, repress, medicate, etc. So while its not good to dwell on feeling misrable, ill end this post by saying I am making a little time to sit with that pain, acknowledge it, and recommitting to goin the distance on my personal growth. Tonight I am feeling the loss and that's ok. I'm both happy and sad at the same time if that makes sense.
Thanks for the guidance, support, good will. What a team.
Last edited by Zues126; 10/30/1405:00 AM.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
