LT- I think I'm in the same place as you just saying it differently. The D isn't my deciding factor- but it is the point where I really need to accept that this may be over. Which means I will be open to dating at some point. Might be a new R with a new person or H, but I'm just getting my mindset such that I can envision a life without H if I have to and I will be happy!
But of course, I would much rather a life with him. Hope he and your W figure it out before we leave them behind!!

2B- way to send me some girl power cheerleading! Thanks for reminding me to stop and think of ME too. I need to do that more.
That said its a bit complicated ( preaching to the choir I know)! H filed for D last year Oct 10. He didn't want me to be formally served so I was emailed the papers. He hasn't done anything since but about every 4 months or so he says that's what he needs to do. The most recent discussion seeming more likely that he will actually go through with it.

So what do I want? Well I want this to be the least disruptive as possible for my kids. My PMA and ability to cope goes down the tubes when they are distressed. So I think Holidays together at my house this year is the best for them. I feel strong enough to handle it and not think it means anything regarding H and I.
As far as the trip- H's family is my family. I Was 17 when we started dating and his siblings ranged from 8-14 at the time. I'm just as close to them as he is. So I woukd actually like to go on this ski trip- I think it would be a blast. Heck I would even take the kids without him in a heartbeat if he wimps out about going.
But I also know that he is trying to work on a lot of childhood stuff so if he wants to go, and me staying behind makes him more comfortable ( which it doesn't sound like- his reactions are that he wants to hide from them) then I think it's important for him to be there to help him work on his chit.
Guess we shall see when he and I talk tomorrow. But one thing I'm not doing anymore is trying to buffer the reactions of family and friends in regards to being upset with H. Those are relationships he has to repair on his own. ( look at me- learning to not be a fixer- who'd a thunk??!!)