Something I wanted to remind myself when I was posting to Ss...
I think the possibility of R is better gauged by H's treatment of others than by his treatment of me. The insight started creeping up on me reading GoatGal's thread and the shift in how GUBU/H is treating the animals lately.
My H had the kids for about three hours today and during that time the boys played xBox and watched TV and D11 worked on a school project in another room. I chaperoned S8 on a really great field trip today and H doesn't know. S8 is reluctant to share with him and didn't talk about it. (Learning these things is how I got S8 to admit he didn't feel comfortable sharing his feelings with me or H but that he would talk to the guidance counselor).
I see these kids every day and I spend at least some of that drinking them in. I miss them when they're gone even for the weekend and I let them know it. I tell them I'm lucky to be their mom, that I'm proud of them. We have family rituals, and it is important to me that we make plans together so that we can look forward to things together, and also so that if they have desires or preferences we can take them into account. That's the kind of family I want us to be and I am delighted to see that happening. I also am so lucky to get to hear about the ways they share these things with others, which reinforces me.
I don't believe H had that very much growing up. I had more of it but certainly no input, nor much sense that my parents took any pleasure in being my parents.
When my H looks like he's getting pleasure from his relationship with the kids, then I'll know he's more ready for adult relationships. Till then, I think he's just going through motions.
Is that the healing message I got from my reiki treatment tonight? It feels true.
Also I think that answers my item 3 above.
Hmmmm...
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
