I was trying to catch up on two weeks of stuff so I left my interpretation out of the writeup. I had the same reaction as you on most of those specific points. I think I understand her emotions better than she does herself right now. That may have been an underlying issue in our marriage now that I think about it.
When we were talking after I confronted her, I'd ask her a question and it was almost like she would be surprised that I may understand how she was feeling. Its actually kind of sad. The only person that knew what she was going through that she was getting advice from was the OM and that was him giving her advice in front of his GF. No conflicts there!! She says he's talked to his GF about what happened, but I'm guessing the truth never actually came out because I'm sure the GF would cut the two of them off of the friendship.
Anyway, I hated to confront her with this because I am pretty much the wrong person to do it, but no one else was. The first thing I told her to do was go and come clean with her best friends, because even they were in the dark (I had confirmation of that) and they would be there for her. She did that after the first day, so that's why I was initially encouraged about reconciliation until she said she still wanted to be friends with him. Once she said that, I then asked if she was still in love with him and she seemed surprised because she never said that to me and then paused for a while and said something like "I'm not sure, I need to think about that." It doesn't take a therapist to realize that when you say to your H that it wasn't going to work because he wouldn't leave his GF that there's not something pretty strong going on there. I then reiterated that I'm willing to try and make our M work, but not with him in the middle and I didn't mean just physically.
It stinks that she hasn't been to IC, because she obviously needs it. She said she's been trying to schedule and will start this week. Its almost like her and I can still connect on an emotional level and we had some good conversations that I feel like she's being honest about how she feels, but then she ignores it when she's not around me. She then builds up her wall again. At least, that's how I feel.
As far as saying that its good progress; before I confronted her she dropped the kids off at friends houses, has came into the house once and never directly interfaced with me for 8 weeks. After I told her I knew, we talked about 2 hours a day for 5 days and are going to MC, even though its for the kids right now (we didn't even discuss their schedule w/o a person in the middle before)
Anyway as I said, it seems like whether she realizes it or not she was using me emotionally to get what she wanted with the kids. Once I figured that out, I dropped the rope and it is liberating. I seem to be able to think much clearer now and able to set boundaries. I now see that with the kids, she is more interested in protecting herself from jeopardizing custody than truly what she thinks is best for them. That's sad and I've called her out on it a couple times. I think even the MC realizes it, but has yet to interject.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
