Spent the day on a really enjoyable field trip with S8's class.
Son of the woman H may or may not have been chasing was on the field trip too, which kept me triggering. Spent part of the day obsessing and part praying and part saying "Stop thinking about him!"
What is my purpose in putting up with this? I feel like a Griselda, patiently waiting for him to come home so I can exchange one kind of pain for another.
But then I imagine navigating a step family and it seems like trying to salvage the marriage would be preferable.
And then I think, what would I do with H that I can't do by myself?
I'm in this weird place where I am both ok and also heartsick.
And the anxiety of anticipating adding a full-time job to all this change is making me queasy.
I'm so scared.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
