Wife walked away (4 months ago now) thread 3

[Zues126]

Awesome big. I have been asking myself the same questions, was just curious how you were dealing with them. We share some of the same issues, and it can be hard to measure progress in a vacuum. Personally, I know if I were in a new R I would have challenges beyond the fact it is far too soon. So one of my goals is to grow to a point that if down the road when I'm open to a new R I am ready to be healthy on my side. Of course, I'm leaving the door open for that R to be with my STBX, but either way I know I have more work to do.

-meeting my own needs and finding y own happiness
-being transparent and honest about who I am, what my boundaries are, and what I want from my partner
-healthier views on sexuality so what I am looking for is realistic and an be met by a healthy woman
-improved tool sets to deal with conflict so I'm better prepared to trouble shoot as issues arise.

I am working with my IC to 'debrief' on the failed R and look more closely at where I came short in those areas, and ways to grow so I could do better in the future. My DB coach has been a guide towards interacting with my STBX, my IC has been a guide on my personal growth. There's some overlap but that's the gist of it.

You have some well defined goals, and considering where you were just a few months ago that is awesome. I am celebrating your journey. I've found it helpful to use the question "if I were in a new R where would I struggle" as a guide to my personal efforts so I wanted to share. The best part is its harder in our minds than in real life. Right now all I can see is the adversity, conflict, low trust, dysfuctional part of he relationship...if i can grow enough to be prepared for that I'm confident that I will do well. Of course, if STBX comes around some day and we ever started piecing that is how it would be at first so I'm doin my part to be ready. Looks like you are too, keep it up. Just because you're solo now doesn't mean you're not working on your M, present or future.