What you DON'T do (and maybe this is what you mean by your question) is start laying out "Well let me TELL ya, this is what it's going to take for me to take you back!" when your spouse is still wayward, looking at you like you're nuts, and saying "Um, dear, who said anything about me even WANTING to come back??!"
Yeah, that's where I was going with my question. For example, demanding commitment to rebuild the marriage, and having her take ownership of mistakes, wrong-doings, etc.
Thanks.
No, that is not the time for those demands. The boundaries that should be set early are "I will not live in an open marriage" (the biggie), and things like "No texting or calling OM/OW from inside of our marital home," or "No spending family funds on your affair" -- that sort of thing.
