Moving towards mediation, need to stop limbo

[mindsin]

Thanks for your response theoden. I actually brought this up to my W very early on (a few weeks after the bomb).

I told her that I was afraid of losing her respect if I just stood by and did nothing, and that I didn't want to be a man who didn't fight for his W and family.

Her response was, "I would respect you more if you just let me be happy"

My wife said pretty much the same thing while she was still in the throes of her affair. "Why won't you just let me go?!" and "I will never, EVER love you again . . . can't you see that?" and "What you're doing is only driving me away!" Etc.

When we reconciled, she tearfully asked me why I fought so hard for her. I told her:

- because I took a wedding vow, before God, and I took that very seriously. It was not "for better or for better yet," it was "for better or for WORSE";

- because I loved her, and we had a lot of shared history together;

- because I didn't want to demonstrate to our four children that when things get tough, you cut and run. You make a stand and fight for what is important to you, for as long as you can, to the best of your ability;

- because if the situation were reversed, and I had say a gambling or alcohol addiction, I would hope that she would do the same and fight for ME;

- and because I didn't want to go to my death bed with REGRETS, that I should have tried harder. If I was going to err, I was going to err on the side of trying to save my marriage and keep my family intact.

After we reconciled, she THANKED me for fighting for her, and told me that she RESPECTED WHAT I DID (even thought she was royall p*ssed off at me at the time!, lol)

Starsky

Wow. Good stuff here Starsky! Is your thread still active? I'd love to read your story. If not, could you outline some of the key things you did to fight for her, and perhaps which one(s) you think were the most crucial to your success? Thanks.