Gwen I can only echo her comments. I could have easily written portions. My W and I met when I was 19, she was 18, I was inlove in 2 weeks, as far as I was concerned there was no one else in the world for me, I would be buried by this girl. Loved her with all of me ... then the BD MLC hit, I lost my father, took her for granted .. so many issues.
I came here late, up till finding this place I just thought W was Bi-Polar, fed up, possibly needed meds, even blamed it on the diet she has been on for the past 2 years. Turns out ... nope .. MLC and if there is a script for this, she follows it well. There was a point like Nitty .. I DB'd as a way to get her back, but slowly .. recently I realized DB'ing works on US, thats the secret, you need to find the person that was lost gradually over the years, that one who slowly became dependent on the WAS, change that person who hinged on every word and action .... not to get them back ... to get YOU back. I think its the hidden agenda, the result we all get from DB'ing. its more about saving us than it is saving the marriage ... and hey .. if during this restoration your marriage can some how be salvaged that's great and we all want that to happen ... but the MLC-ville we all live in to me resembles the Walking Dead series ... we all have our Zombies and we hope they return to become normal again .. in the mean time its dangerous to be close to them, we need to let them wander, get out of their tunnels allowing them to navigate their own way out, and in that time fix ourselves because lets face it ... We can only count on ourselves to get through this. Its up to us to become the person we have to be to survive this mess. If that investment means I get my wife and family back, great ... if not .. I know I will be a better person for it all. That's not just lip service, I truly believe it wholeheartedly.
