Just to be clear, theoden and Starsky's approaches are in regard to the situation AFTER the cheating WAW has shown a willingness to work on their marriage again, correct?
If the WAW is still very much engaged in the A with the OM, and has made no indication to reconcile, then I would think "standing ground" would simply drive her away faster (according to DB principles), no?
Hi Mindsin,
To the extent that I have an "approach" (I really try to tailor my advice to each individual poster, their sitch, and their marital backstory), I have one THROUGHOUT the process. From how to handle the "bomb drop," to how aggressively to fight any affairs, to protecting the family finances and getting your legal ducks in a row, right thru to the (hopefully) moment when your formerly wayward spouse asks you "What will it take for you to take me back?" and you being the hard long slog of "piecing."
So no, that's not an accurate assessment. If anything, I'd probably stress a little more of the OPPOSITE -- I'm very much a "If you ARE going to lay strong boundaries, lay 'em EARLY" guy. I find that it saves the betrayed spouses months if not YEARS of emotional damage and heartache.
