jim0987, Tarheel, Hoju, lost18 - Thanks a lot for sharing. You're right, I should not be overcome with this anger. I still struggle to understand how much anger to have and how to deal with it. I thought I had expressed too much anger with my W (snappy, sulking, fights...) but my therapist now seems to suggest I should have expressed more of it but in a better way. We haven't discussed the right ways to do so yet.
Yesterday was a day of anger and today is a day of detachment. I finally read the article and a few things stand out for me.
It means accepting her as she is, not as I want her to be.
I will have more self-control in her presence once I detach.
It's part of letting her take responsibility for her choices.
The best way for me to help her is to be a role model.
It is a toxic relationship when the other is not emotionally available to me.
I deserve a healthy relationship. (this was also part of the anger phase for me)
It pains me that my wife probably got the same advice to leave me. What she described to me sounds like a bad relationship where she couldn't be herself. It seems to justify the separation. Then again, perhaps this is a big cleanup of our relationship where we will become better individuals in a couple.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
