I have read the DR book (and reread)I have not read the love languages but have researched it. We both wanted counseling, I chose DB and Denise. She does not know about these posts, I write at work.
She is financially stable (nurse) as am I (professor), I meant that I would support her decision emotionally if she thought that it would help her clear her mind (and bring her back to me and her family).
The kids do not know, I would imagine that they would stay 1 week with her and then I (as I suggested she get a appt across the street). I believe that she would be gone already if she did not want to be seen as the one not working on the marriage in front of the kids. She suggested that we "switch out" with the appt to which I rejected as I wholeheartedly disbelieve in it and want to stay in the same house in the same bed to talk and work things out (although it has been over 3 months and it does not seem to be working). She is probably going to move out in the next month if my intuition is right.
I do not know for sure if there is a OM. I believe that she has a emotional attachment with him but she refutes (the way she refutes makes be believe that there is...but it may just be me). I saw him last night at a soccer practice and was going to confront him (I am thinking of calling him today or tomorrow). BUT...I do not pick up that he knows. I do not know if this is a good idea - PLEASE ADVISE. I want to ask if there has been anything between him and my W and to let him know that she is going through a hard time and to stay away...but am unsure. He is a "friend" of the family, coached my youngest son this season and is divorced. He seems like a nice guy.
I know that the ultimatum is not a good choice, but am reaching my end...it is so hard not to tough and hold her when she initiates it (or when I do). She has slept in the spare bedroom for 6-8 nights but returns when questioned by one of our kids, by herself, or by my request.
I (we) do not want to involve lawyers through any of this process. I hate the thought.
My 180 has been to return to the gym for the last 3 months (I am stronger and leaner than ever...200 to 178), I showed her all the affection and love that I have been denying her, tried to talk to her as a friend, tried to do events with individuals that complement us, stopped drinking (it was predominantly social with her...now I have returned to having a beer with her at night as this was not a issue for her). And I will attend a DivorceCare meeting tonight at 6. These previous changes negatively affected her behavior so I stopped and withdrew, to which she reached out to me but then stopped. She has stated things like "you are a good person"..."thanks for trying so hard to save this marriage"..."thanks for being good to me" but does not seem to want to reciprocate.
I walk the line between wanting to do nice things for her (rub her feet, make dinner, plant mums, housework, pack her lunch) but know that it is pursuing...I am so confused on what to do. Our DB coach told me to mimic her hug for a hug...kiss for a kiss...ect but it does not seem to be getting anywhere. It is hard to "court" someone in this state...I wish I would have IDed it earlier.
Keep posting please, it helps me knowing that you are out there.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
